Completely Unfair Comparisons: Shellin'

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. An Oyster Shell vs. An Egg Shell in terms of A Hat That’ll Make the Ladies Swoon

If we’re going by smell, the oyster shell loses. But let’s say, for the purpose of this argument, that both options are sterilized. An egg on the head looks like an egg on the brain, i.e. it’s going to send the message that you want kids. Some ladies will like that, sure, but not all of them. Pearls, on the other hand? Everyone loves those things! And where do pearls come from? Oysters. Done deal.


An Oyster Shell


2. Fire Drills vs. Dissecting A Frog in terms of Fitness

A fire drill might force you to walk down a few stairs, but once everything’s over and the elevator’s in service again, it’ll be right back to your sedentary ways. Dissecting a frog, meanwhile, provides almost no fitness to speak of; however, it does make you think about your health. If you were opened up, what would you want the dissectors to say? “A fine specimen!” right? Well, better start working out!


Dissecting a Frog


3. An Ice Cream Sundae vs. A Wrong Turn in terms of Keeping Your Mouth Shut About That Thing That Happened

This really depends on what happened. So go ahead, just tell us. C’mon! You can tell us. C’mon! Please? Pretty please? C’mon! C’mon! It’s no big deal! C’mon! C’mon! C’mon! We won’t tell anyone! PROMISE! C’mon!




I missed last week – my bad. So this week’s Rebuttal of the Week is actually from two weeks ago. It goes to dtristano, who has obviously trained more bears than I have.

I have to disagree about taming the bear. I mean, come on, the bear is not going to be paying attention to you if you're holding brownie batter. It's going to be thinking, "here's my lunch, and it brought its own dessert."

On the other hand if you show up with a touch screen, the bear is going to be confused. He'll be thinking "Oooo, I'm out of my element here. I'd better pay attention." At that point you're in a better position to assert your dominance and avoid getting eaten.

Now is your turn to make me look the fool. Post a rebuttal in the comments and I’ll pick my favorite for the next post!

Photos: "Oysters" by flickr user, pelican; "Busy Frogs" by flickr user, Raphael Quinet; "C'MON in!" by flickr user, Orin Zebest. All used under a Creative Commons License.