They look so nice they might put you in a trance!
I just wanted to cut some red pepper. It seemed simple enough. All I needed to do is get my Core Bamboo cutting board out, grab a knife, and go to work. So, that's what I did. I started slicing, all the while staring at the board's surface, crafted from 100% organically grown bamboo.
Then things went black.
When I came to, the red pepper was chopped so fine that it was basically part of the board. My wrist was pencil thin and from my chin hung a long beard.
"David! David, are you there?" I looked up. I recognized the woman in front of me as my wife, but she appeared much older than she did that very morning. Or was it that morning? No, my wife informed me, it was not! "David, you've been in a trance chopping that red pepper for nearly two decades! Oh my heavens, I thought you'd never come out of it!"
"Mom, how many times do I have to tell you! Stop talking to dad like he's alive..." It was my son, Barry. When I began chopping he'd been a toddler. Now, he was a teenager. He stopped speaking abruptly when he saw me, looking up from the cutting board. "Dad?" he cried.
"My boy!" I said, weakly.
"Barry's all grown up! He's the quarterback! Just like his father was!" my wife said.
This confused me. "But I never played football," I said. "I liked computers."
The look of excitement on my wife's face was replaced by one of panic. "Oh no, David! I'm sorry! I meant to say..."
"What's going on in here? Who are you talking to, honey?" Into the room walked a man I didn't recognize, but he appeared to be comfortable in my house. "Oh, hello David..." he said, awkwardly when our eyes met.
My wife quickly shooed him and Barry out of the room, and sat me down in a chair at the kitchen table. That man, she explained, was Eric, her new husband. After years of waiting for me to come out of my trance, she'd given up and moved on.
"You can stay as long as you need to to get back on your feet, of course," she told me, but I could tell she didn't mean it, so I packed my things that day and moved to a studio apartment downtown. My industry, technology, had moved on without me, so I found employment bagging groceries. Sometimes my wife will bring Barry to the store when she does her grocery shopping. Those moments are bittersweet: it's pleasant to see them, but sad to think of what might have been.
The moral of this story: these bamboo cutting boards are SO sleek looking they can hypnotize ya!