Dr. Infrared Heater

by wootbot

Not 2 Hot 2 Handle

Is there a Dr. in the house? Cuz, you know, it's getting kinda warm in here.

Did someone say ... DOCTOR? No, seriously. Does someone need medical attention? Well, anyway. I'm here just in case. My last name is actually Wernowitz, but all the ladies call me Dr. Infrared. I don't understand exactly, but some have told me it's due to the physiological response they exhibit in the form of an elevated core body temperature as a result of my outward appearance. In layman's terms, I make them hot.

I don't really find the attention all that distracting. I'm a professional. So when they say things to me like, "I want to bear your children" and "Take me right here on the coffee table" I just focus on combining the comfort of convection heating with the energy efficiency of infrared heating to provide them with even warmth throughout their house." 

And when they do things like remove all their clothes and bend over suggestively for a simple flu shot, I just tell them to sit back and relax as I blanket them in the soothing warmth of tacit indifference.