EdenPURE Quartz Infrared Heater

by wootbot

Into Warmness

This space heater has no tie in with some other soon-to-be popular space movie that we're all now watching trailers for. This space heater heats an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT kind of space.

Commander's Log: Spacepoint 35.16.7.7. While visiting a strange planet, Lieutenant Eden Pure has been hit by a strange energy blast. Since then, her actions can only be described ... as unexpectedly warm.

"Lieutenant Pure- Eden. I'm not asking you as a commander. I'm asking you as a friend. What happened? What went wrong down there?"

vrrrr

Eden, don't shut me out. I want to help you. I want to- wait ... what are you doing?

vrrrr

It's like some kind of- wall- of heat! Expanding- up to 300 square feet! Eden- Eden! Eden, for pity's sake, it's so- comfortable in here now!

vrrrrr

No! Can't- must fight- urge- to sit and read a book- or maybe nap- got to- open- door-

vrrrr

Made it! Your three commercial infrared quartz elements won't stop me now, Lieutenant.

vrrrr

I wish that were true. Maybe there's still a little of my old friend left in there, but I can't take that chance. All you are to me is a cruel monster, controlled by an electronic thermostat. I know my duty. You'll be teleported down to the planet, where you'll stay, in a 300 square foot quarantine zone so you can't make anyone else comfy and cozy.

vrrrr

I'll make sure your family never knows what happened. I'm sorry, Eden. Sorry that there's no room for your kind of warmth in my commander's heart.

vrrrr

Maybe in another reality... we could have been... friends.