Beneath The Surface
ATTENTION. ATTENTION. We would like to make an announcement.
We are so excited to get our hands on these Klipsch 2.1 speakers. They're small and powerful, so we can mount them on the outside of our office building to blare our biggest announcement ever:
Microsoft has created a tablet that's FATED for Woot!
These Klipsch speakers' front-mounted volume controls let us sing it from the rooftops: "The Surface is doomed for Woot! The Surface is doomed to Woot! Huzzay! Huzzah! The Surface is doomed for Woot!"
Sure, the subwoofer provides more than enough thumping bass for music, but it also lets us highlight the laughable game of catch-up that Microsoft seems perpetually trapped in. "People want phones?? Quick, do what Apple and Google did 5 years ago!" "Tablets? Uhhh, uhhhh, OK! Presentations with dudes in v-neck sweaters? You got it!"
Anybody with a finger on the pulse of ANYTHING could tell you that the Surface is doomed for failure. And you know where failed products inevitably land? RIGHT HERE, BABY. GIMME GIMME GIMME.
It sure was thoughtful of Microsoft to develop a product for us. We don't know what we did to deserve it, but we really appreciate it. So we'd like to plug the speakers' 3.5mm jack right into our prototype Surface and…wait a minute…and have a great experience with…with…OK it's having a little trouble loading. Oh, and since all of our music is in iTunes we can't play it here…
OK, well we were going to play Microsoft a romantic ballad by way of thanks, but were foiled by the Surface's utter lack of functionality. And it is that very lack of functionality that will one day land a boatload of them on our doorstop. That's poetic justice - or something.