From The Desk Of The Office Manager: New Monolith

by Sam Kemmis

Hey People:

This is the new office monolith, and it's DIFFERENT FROM THE OLD MONOLITH so PAY ATTENTION.

The Monolith

First off, the monolith is for office-use ONLY, folks. No staring at it in a mix of apprehension and curiosity on personal time. No inviting friends to the office on the weekends to touch its surprisingly smooth, icy surface. Nada.

Also, people: Do not confuse this MONOLITH with an OBELISK. Yes, an obelisk is a type of monolith, but one that ends in a TAPERING PYRAMID. Do you see a tapering pyramid on this monolith? No? Good job. And what does that mean? That's right, it's not an obelisk. So don't treat it as one.

The origins of this monolith are clouded in uncertainty, people. It is composed of a silicate crystal unknown to science, and I think you know what that means: $$$$$$$$$$$$. Please do not beat the face of the monolith with rocks, bones, or any other nearby objects, HOWEVER MUCH YOU MAY WANT TO. Doing so will chip it, and then we'd have to order replacement silicate crystals, which DO NOT EXIST.

Finally: You may experience a sudden and eldritch chill when in the Monolith's presence. This is normal, so PLEASE do not adjust the thermostat in the monolith room, OK? It will blast hot air into Cindy's office, and since Cindy and I are not on speaking terms she'll go all the way up to the fourth floor to complain about it. So on your own head be it should you touch the thermostat, mmk?

-Katherine Tull-Potts, BA