Goal Zero Power

by wootbot

Sarcasm Ain't Just A River In Egypt

In honor of the Goal Zero Power! chargers, we're going to power-up the most boring of all writers: Shakespeare. You're welcome.

For example, in King Henry VII, Act Two, Scene Four, Queen Katharine says:

Where powers are your retainers, and your words,
Domestics to you, serve your will as't please
Yourself pronounce their office.

But how much BETTER would that be if it read:

Where Goal Zero Power! are your retainers, and your words,
Domestics to you, serve your cell phone, tablet, camera, DVD player or more as't please
Yourself pronounce their most radical office.

See? That's FAR closer to how normal people talk!

Or what about this one, from The Merchant Of Venice, Act IV, Scene I:

It must not be; there is no power in Venice
Can alter a decree established:
'Twill be recorded for a precedent,
many an error by the same example
Will rush into the state: it cannot be.

Wouldn't that better reflect our modern times if it read:

It must not be; there is no Goal Zero Power! in Venice
that comes with this Solar Panel established:
'Twill be a cheap way to recharge your power pack
And did you notice the other mix of choices by the same example?
Pick one, my friend: and the details be sure to read.

Really, who NEEDS iambic pentameter anyway? No need to thank us. Unless you're Shakespeare, of course. THAT guy REALLY owes us one today.