Goody Smart Temp 1875 Watt Blow Dryer

by wootbot

Blow Out

Now with 10 unique selective-hearing settings.

"Karen, we need to talk."

Can't it wait? I'm just about to blow dry my hair.

"No, it can't wait. It's about these text messages I found on your-"

I'M SORRY, HONEY. I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER MY NEW HEAT SMART TEMP BLOW DRYER.

"I know you can hear me, Karen. And I demand an explanation."

IT'S REALLY AWESOME. THE PATENTED HEAT CONTROL DIAL MEANS I CAN FIND THE PERFECT LEVEL OF HEAT FOR MY HAIR.

"Who is Kevin? Is he that guy from the Quik-E Lube?"

OH, AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT THIS DRYER IS INFUSED WITH FRIZZ-REDUCING CERAMIC. NO MORE Q-TIP HEAD FOR ME!

"So the other night when you said you were working late, you were really with him, weren't you?"

IT'S 1875 WATTS, HONEY. THERE'S NO WAY I'M HEARING YOU OVER THIS.

"You called him Sweet Cheeks. Karen, how could you?"

SERIOUSLY. 2 FAN SPEEDS. I'M SEEING YOUR LIPS MOVE, BUT IT'S LIKE NOTHING IS COMING OUT.

"I'm leaving you, Karen."

OOOH! DID YOU FEEL THAT? THAT'S THE COOL SHOT BUTTON!

"I'll have the lawyer draw up the divorce papers. You can keep the house. I'm taking the dog."

No effing way! I love that dog.