Happy Wi-Fi Day with Mr. Whiskey

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

La la la, writin' copy, la la la, writin' up some stuff, la la...

Whoa! Hello there, Mr. Whiskey! And a happy, um, Wi-Fi Day to you, too, I guess. Wait, is that even a real thing? I've never heard of... Oh, I get it! It's because it's 8.02.11 and IEEE 802.11 is a set of standards of implementing wireless local area network computer communication (according to Wikipedia). Very clever, Mr. Whiskey, but I'm afraid it's much too early in the day to celebrate anything with you, especially a holiday even Reddit seems to be fighting about. Besides, you know what my therapist said about substituting real friends with ones I've made up from my hidden office liquor cabinet.

 

 

Aw, I'm just joking, buddy! Wi-Fi Day is the perfect excuse to hang out with the only real friend I have in the whole world! Now then, since this is the very first Wi-Fi Day and probably the last until 2111, how should we celebrate?

 

 

What an excellent idea! Haikus will be the perfect way to ring in such a glorious nerd-created thing! Let's see...

our shackles broken / wires will reign no longer / freedom in the air

are you connected? / I can't find a good signal / stupid coffeehouse

downloading so slow / speed throttling is murder / a cherry tree dies

a, b, g, and n / the protocols of love / a paper crane is born

it was Wi-Fi Day / we drank until it was gone / how very splendid

So how are HIC how are HIC What are YOU gonna do for Why-Fry HIC Fry-Guy HIC today, huh? HUH? YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME AND MR. WHISKEY? YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY DAD!