When you want pineapple, you want pineapple (source: Pineapple Scientist Weekly). So do it right so we can eat it. HOW TO CUT UP A PINEAPPLE.
1. get a pineapple
2. yes, we'll wait for you to come back from the store
3.
4.
5.
6. ok now get a knife
7. yes, we'll wait for you to come back from the knife store
8.
9. whoa that was fast
10. oh really, they opened a knife store across the street?
11. ok now slice off the top and bottom of the pineapple
12. oh my god that was your finger
13. um
14. I'm calling 9-1-1
15. hello 9-1-1, my friend here just cut off their finger
16. well they were cutting into a pineapple
17. I know, pineapples really are the best!
18. sure, I'll save you some slices
19. I mean, we didn't even get that far
20. no, it happened on the very first cut
21. I know, how do you mess that up! haha
22. anyway, there's blood everywhere
23. how long will it take for the ambulance?
24. how much for an ambulance ride?
25. never mind, goodbye
26. ok I've got some good news and some bad news
27. the good news is this pineapple looks fresh
28. the bad news is you're on the floor passed out not even listening to me