HP 17.3" Dual-Core i3 Laptop

by wootbot

Questionable Aspersions

"Welcome to Penultimate Buy, how can I help you?" 

"Hi there, what can you tell me about this laptop?"

"This is the HP 17.3" dual-core computer. I could bore you with specs and whatnot, but here's the gist: It's big and cheap."

"All right, great. I appreciate you boiling it down for me. So it's like your mom?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's big and cheap. Just like your mother. Go on."


"Go on."

"Well, all right. The stand-out feature is this HD+ 17.3" screen. It's huge."

"She said that. Yes?"


"She did. She was overheard saying that."

"Oh. I see. 'It's huge.' Yes. Very good, sir. Though it's not my place, I don't believe 'She said that' is the usual formulation."

"Your face isn't the usual formulation."

"All right, let's try to stay on track here. The four gigs of RAM are plenty for multitasking, and the 500GB SATA hard drive is big enough to hold your entire media library."

"As is your mother."

"My mother, whom you've never met, is large enough to hold your entire media library?"

"Just so."

"Sir, I'm just trying to help you sell a laptop. Is there a reason why you've taken this as an opportunity to interject cliched insults?"

"You fell down the ugly tree and hit every cliched insult on the way down."

"You are not doing this correctly."