HP Takes Some Time Off "To Get My Head Together"

by Jason Toon

After announcing yesterday that it was discontinuing its TouchPad tablet and exploring "strategic alternatives" to its PC manufacturing business, electronics giant HP has gone into hiding to "sort of get my head together", it said in a statement released through a publicist today.

"First, much love to my fans, and don't worry about me," the multinational corporation said in the brief but rambling announcement. "I'm not crazy. I'm not on drugs. I just needed a little time to step away from the insanity, be alone with my thoughts for a little while, and figure out who I am again."

Rumors about the HP's fragile emotional state had begun flying when the company failed to make a scheduled nightclub appearance in Atlantic City last night. By morning, Twitter was ablaze with so-called "#HPsightings", including reports from South Africa, Paris, and the Greek island of Naxos.

The statement expressed amusement at the #HPsightings phenomenon, but added "You haven't found me yet, and I promise you, you won't. Please stop trying. I'll be back in a little while. And you'll be seeing more of me once I get my mind straight again.

"But probably not that much more."