Everyfrog Old Is New Again
LF, baby! Let’s talk about how to handle this comeback of yours!
“What comeback?” The comeback that’s gonna take you right back to the top of the Woot charts and right back into the wooters’ hearts! Your brand of fabulousness, glamour, and leak detection is ripe for a revival! But we’ve gotta think about the right angle, the right approach to packaging the LeakFrog mystique for a whole new generation. Here are some ideas:
The Bill Murray: We get you a few quiet roles detecting some indie leaks. Instead of beeping when you feel moisture, you just kind of stare wistfully and bravely into the middle distance for a few seconds. Then you hit ‘em with the knockout blow: a sigh, a single long exhalation of all the melancholy at the wounded heart of the human condition. Or frog condition, in your case. Do frogs get sad? If not, can you fake it?
The Gritty Reboot: Grim sells. You don’t just detect leaks anymore. You exterminate them. You annihilate them. You dismember them. Because you’re driven to avenge the leak that, I dunno, killed your tadpoles or ate your mom’s legs or something. The more relentlessly bleak, the better. How’s your vocal range? Can you lower that beep to a Christian Bale growl/bark/grunt kind of thing?
The Johnny Cash: We get Rick Rubin to strip down your beep to a spare, unadorned acoustic twang. Lots of grainy black-and-white pictures that make you look like some kind of creepy backwoods prophet even though you’re actually an experienced, intelligent, wealthy professional entertainer. What’s your favorite Nine Inch Nails song, by the way?
The William Shatner: Dignity? Who needs it? As a mugging, hammy self-caricature, you can trade in your self-respect for the ironic cheers of those who consider your very existence a bad joke. Nothing is beneath you. There isn’t a top high enough to keep you from going over it.
The Alyssa Milano: If you’re comfortable with showing a little skin, we can destroy your old goody-goody image and get you considered for some more mature roles. You’re going to need some work done, though. Nothing personal. Gravity gets to us all eventually.
The Elvis: Vegas! We set you up with a big, brassy stage show: $200 tickets, your name in lights, a full orchestra, costume changes, the works. And we put the whole thing on TV. But we’ll probably have to buy our own TV time. Vegas is pretty dry, so we might not have any leaks to detect. And can I be honest with you as a friend? A white spangled jumpsuit is not your best look.
The Chipmunks: We ditch the classic look and personality for a full-CGI orgy of booger jokes and Smashmouth montages. And don’t worry about co-stars: I’ve already got a three-film commitment from David Cross.
However we do this, though, there’s one major blunder we have to avoid: don’t go anywhere near Sellout.Woot. There are some mistakes not even your career could recover from.
Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty
- LeakFrog is a water alarm that warns you of the first sign of a leak to prevent water and mold damage
- Simply place LeakFrog in the areas where leaks or water over-flow might occur (hot water heaters, toilets, dishwashers, refrigerators, sinks, A/C drip pans, washing machines, bathtubs, wet bars, hot tubs, etc.)
- When water starts to puddle, even if it’s only 1/32 inch of water, LeakFrog sets off its alarm to alert you
- If no one is home, the alarm will continue to sound for hours (days with a fresh battery)
- Works best on floors of wood, tile, metal or concrete
- No installation is required
- Requires (3) AAA batteries (included)
In the box:
- (2) Ideative LeakFrog Water Leak Alarms
- (6) AAA Batteries
- (2) Care and Use Instructions