Lenovo 15.6" Dual-Core i5 Laptop

by wootbot

Damming History's Tides

In the early 1900s, Typhoid Mary carried disease to hundreds of Americans. If someone had given her this laptop, maybe she would have stayed inside. HOW DIFFERENT MIGHT HISTORY HAVE BEEN, EH?

Contrary to popular opinion, the world went for a very long time before the digital age. But how many lives were lost? How many mistakes were made? What tragedies could have been avoided if every human had been the owner of a 15.6" Lenovo Laptop?

Nikita Khrushchev, for example. Most famous for banging his shoe on the podium of the United Nations. But if he had 802.11 b/g/n Wireless? It would have been just another meltdown from just one more keyboard warrior.

And what about Quentin Tarantino? As it stands now, he makes controversial movies that dare to turn the lowbrow into the highbrow. But with 8GB of DDR3 memory? He wouldn't have been spending every day of his childhood at the movies. He would have been playing video games! Pew pew! Monster kill! Enter your initials, QT!

But why stop there? Maybe instead of taking hostages, the Iranians would have just made a nice Internet petition! Maybe instead of arising to overthrow the powers that be, The Society of Righteous and Harmonious Fists would have just sent them a whole bunch of pizzas? And how could there have been a Trojan War? Menelaus would have just posted all of Helen's naked pictures on Reddit in a thread labeled "TIL WHAT A SLUT MY WIFE IS" and never even bothered to gather an army.

The world could have been so very different if we only just stayed behind our laptops, don't you think? Imagine what future crises have already been prevented!

... at least, that's what you can say when someone tells you to get off the computer.