Ladder, Can You Spare A Climb?
"A man without a ladder" is a contradiction in terms.
Hey there, good evening, good evening. Could I trouble you for some spare change? Thank you, God bless you, God bless you. Cold out tonight, huh? Cold. Lonely, real lonely.
Let me give you some advice: you don't want to end up like me. Find yourself a Little Giant Alta One Extension ladder and settle down with it. I mean it.
Me, I was a fool. Never thought about ladders. Never. Had a fancy job, nice house, beautiful wife and kids. I had it all - except the one thing that would've let me hold on to everything. A ladder.
It started at work. Me and this guy Brett were the two hotshots. Both up for the same promotion. I come in one Monday morning, Brett's got it. I'm out in the cold. What happened? Brett went over to my boss's house. Helped him paint some cabinets. With his Little Giant Alta One ladder. Just folded it up, took it over there, unfolded it. Got to work. Got the promotion. Easy as anything.
And I still didn't get the picture. Couple weeks later, wife was on me to fix these shingles over the door. I kept putting it off. Had TV to watch. What an idiot. Comes the day a shingle falls on my wife. She's all bloody. Horrible. The stare she gave me, boy, I'll never forget it. Kicked me out of the house a couple weeks later. Divorce papers, the whole bit. Over. Like that.
Then I go one weekend to pick up my son. He says he don't want to go. Wants to stay home with Uncle Brett. Who? Same guy from work. Brett. Taken up with my wife. Putting my kid to bed. I say to the kid, why, what's he done that I don't do? Kid says he had a balloon, helium balloon. Let it go in the dining room, went way up by the ceiling. Uncle Brett got it down. How? Ladder. That damn ladder.
I got it then. But too late. No money to buy a ladder, not even at a great discount Woot price. No garage to put a ladder in, not even a compact Little Giant Alta One. All I had was the empty street all day and an empty bottle every night. Sometimes I go by my old place. Last time there was a basketball hoop up. He must've put it up. Brett. Shooting baskets with my kid while I crouch in the bushes. Just terrible.
Take it from me, mister. Don't learn the hard way. A man without a ladder? He ain't no man at all. I mean to tell you that, by God. Good night to you, now.