Looks Like We Made It: Woot's in the Dictionary!

by Team Chuckle!

Recently we made a big splash in the news- Well, not US, per se, but our namesake. See, the Oxford English Dictionary, the "premier" dictionary of the English language, decided to include the term "woot" in their hallowed pages of definitions, alongside such esteemed company as "noob," "retweet," and "mankini." Now we know we're not the top dogs or anything, but we've been at this internet stuff long enough to know when you toot your own horn and when you affect a properly-unenthused tone lest everyone tear you apart for enjoying something. Plus, it's not like they got the definition right: "a statement of elation?" Psh. Everyone knows it should read "coolest website on earth." So we were content to let the news die down.

Except that people kept pointing it out. First came the tweets, then the emails. Then came the phone calls from our dear aunts, uncles, and grandparents who still don't really know what we do or how we make money at it, but know that they just saw the company name in a news article and that's a pretty big deal. Which isn't to hate on our loved ones for thinking of us; we appreciate their enthusiasm! We just got enough feedback on the whole thing that we figured we should address it.

And we found a dirty little secret about the Oxford English Dictionary...

It turns out that anyone who creates or owns a word that officially enters the dictionary gets to add 10 more words of their choosing. The folks at Oxford University Press would probably say it's something about "keeping abreast of our rapidly evolving language" or whatever, but we get text messages so we know the drill: English is dead and we're on a downward spiral to communicating via a series of emoticons and single letters, and the OED just wants to stay relevant and keep making money. But we're all for contributing to the decline of Western civilization, so look for these new additions to the Oxford English Dictionary soon, courtesy of your pals at Woot:

  • Biblionaut (n) a person who will buy pretty much any e-book as long as it's a dollar or less.
  • Turnstabled (adj) the condition of being unable to tell someone their favorite new song is terrible because you don't want to hurt their feelings.
  • Gallifraud (n) a person who claims to "LOOOOOVE" Dr. Who, but who only started watching with the 10th Doctor.
  • Friendophobia (n) the apprehension felt when you receive a friend request from a stranger and have no idea who they are or why they want to follow you.
  • Byespace (n) the condition that arises when one adopts the latest social networking technology, but is unable to convince any friends to join them.
  • Crawling the Waffle (adj) to engage in repetitive and/or useless corporate action with the full realization that your efforts will not be appreciated, recognized, or even utilized despite management specifically requesting said action; to acknowledge the futility of working for vacuous mid-manager types and their bizarre dedication to corporate entities.
  • Groenag (n) the deep irritation or anxiety one feels when they suspect there is one episode of The Simpsons they somehow have not yet seen.
  • Sample Shock (n) the embarrassing realization one has when hearing a loop one had previously considered original in another song.
  • Deja Who (n) the awkward situation in which two people introduce themselves, only to realize they've done so at least once before.
  • Bumpossible (adj) describing a person who cannot be determined to be homeless or a hipster.
  • Ostrichcize (v) to exclude someone from a group by tying them to an ostrich and sending it running in another direction.

Well, that's our take on what the next round of dictionaries should include. But what about you, dear reader? Let us know the definitions you'd add in the comments!