King Of Gaming Systems
The Bangor night was like ink. Moonless. Cold. The young boy slowly awoke to the scratchings against his second story window. Scratchings and whispers.
“What? Who? Who’s there?”
Timmy… it’s me… Billy…
“Billy? But… that accident in the ravine three days ago… they said you were dead!”
No, Timmy… I’m here… I want to play…
“Play? Billy, it’s four in the morning! And you’re hovering! And you’re wearing a black cape with a red silk lining and talking in a weird voice!”
Open the window, Timmy, so we can play! We can play forever now! I’ll teach you how! Just open the window!
“Billy… is this because I got that refurbished XBox?”
What? No, Timmy, it’s because you were always my best friend! It has nothing to do with all the fantastic games you can play or the twenty gig hard drive built in. We can just play cards or something if you don’t believe me. Open the window, Timmy! Open the window!
“Because, see, Greg was here just the other day.”
Greg? That kid in our class? Didn’t he die in that car wreck last July?
“Yeah, he’s apparently a zombie now. Came back and wanted me to let him in so we could play online with XBox Live. He said he was just trying to eat my little sister’s brains but he didn’t even ask me where her room was. Kept me up all night.”
Foolish Greg. A lord of the night such as I would never pass such an opportunity by.
“Yeah, Peter tried that line too.”
Peter? The boy who-
”-vanished in the forest in autumn? Turns out he got bit by a werewolf. He came over last full moon and said something about ‘the hunger’ and ‘sharing the rapturous cloak of the divine Selene’ but all we did was watch my dvds. They look great in 16:9 widescreen because the XBox supports up to 1080p high def and 480p standard but… I mean, I gotta go to school still and you guys are really imposing!”
Timmy, listen to me. The power of a lord of the night dwarfs any mere werewolf. I shall offer you the Dark Gift myself. We will share dominion over the-
”-mere humans who can’t appreciate the blah blah blah. Simon and Lucy Jenkins tried that last week. Remember them? They got sucked down a sewer and then bonded to an alien spider-thing covered in ooze. It was so gross, they got it all over the patio. And just last Friday some crazy high school girl said that if I let her play, she’d let me take her to the prom!”
Covered in blood?
“Yeah! You know her?”
Dude, she’s wild after a few drinks. You should have said yes.
Okay, Timmy, look. I’m not gonna keep pretending that we were close when I was alive. But think about it. What happens if your refurbished XBox gets the Red Ring Of Death? Or the even stranger Red Light Of Death? Who’s gonna help you then? You’re gonna want someone like me, someone who can command the dead to do his bidding, someone who can raise it back into an admittedly unholy but perfectly useable mockery of life. So let me in, huh, pal?
“Billy, I’ll tell you what I told that mummy-priest made from the soul of Betty Jenkins on Tuesday. My XBox is covered with the optional SquareTrade warranty that I remembered to purchase separately at the time of checkout for an additional $19.99. That means if it fails during the warranty period, I don’t have to worry. So let me go back to sleep, okay? The swamp monster born of the fire that took the life of a vengeful Bobby Smith always shows up at dawn and I have a math test.”
Timmy. Timmy, wait! Just an hour, Timmy, that’s all I want! Just let me play a little bit! You won’t even know I’m here! Timmy! Timmy! Let me in, please, Timmy! Please!
“Man, I wish we’d never moved to Maine.”
Warranty: 90 Day Woot WarrantyAuthorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty
- Every Xbox 360 title supports a minimum of 720p, and up to 1080p high definition resolution or 480p standard definition resolution, in 16:9 widescreen, with anti-aliasing so you enjoy smooth, movie-like graphics and multi-channel surround sound
- Xbox LIVE service let’s you personalize your entertainment with avatars, challenge and talk to friends, stream 15,000 Netflix movies and TV shows, and download new content including demos and games
- Everything you need to begin playing right out of the box, including Family Settings that allow parents to restrict game access for younger players
- Integrate music, movies, photos and TV choices into game scenarios through a Windows-based PC or any Universal Serial Bus (USB) peripheral
- 20GB hard drive lets you experience additional entertainment features with downloadable content such as, Arcade Games, Game Addons, Game Demos, or Movies. Save your game progress, Xbox LIVE® gamer profile, game demos, and custom soundtracks from your own music collection. Download movies and television shows from Xbox LIVE Marketplace. Play original and retro games in Xbox LIVE Arcade
- XBox 360 with Wireless Controller
- Wireless Controller
- Battery Compartment for Wireless Controller
- Front Profile View
- Side Profile View
- Rear View
- Video Ports, Ethernet, USB
- XBox 360 with Hard Drive Removed
- Custom IBM PowerPC-based CPU: Three symmetrical cores running at 3.2 GHz each, Two hardware threads per core; six hardware threads total, VMX-128 vector unit per core; three total, 128 VMX-128 registers per hardware thread, 1 MB L2 cache
- CPU Game Math Performance: 9 billion dot product operations per second
- Custom ATI Graphics Processor: 10 MB of embedded DRAM, 48-way parallel floating-point dynamically scheduled shader pipelines, Unified shader architecture
- Polygon Performance: 500 million triangles per second
- Pixel Fill Rate: 16gigasamples per second fill rate using 4x MSAA
- Shader Performance: 48 billion shader operations per second
- Memory: 512 MB of 700 MHz GDDR3 RAM, Unified memory architecture
- Memory Bandwidth: 22.4 GB/s memory interface bus bandwidth, 256 GB/s memory bandwidth to EDRAM, 21.6 GB/s front-side bus
- Overall System Floating-Point Performance: 1 teraflop
- Storage: Detachable and upgradeable hard drive, 12x dual-layer DVD-ROM, Memory Unit support starting at 64 MB
- I/O: Support for up to four wireless game controllers, Three USB 2.0 ports, Two memory unit slots
- Optimized for Online: Instant, out-of-the-box access to Xbox Live features with broadband service, including Xbox Live Marketplace for downloadable content, gamer profile for digital identity, and voice chat to talk to friends while playing games, watching movies, or listening to music, Built-in Ethernet port
- Wi-Fi ready: 802.11a, 802.11b, and 802.11g, Video camera ready
- Digital Media Support: – Support for DVD-Video, DVD-ROM, DVD-R/RW, DVD+R/RW, CD-DA, CD-ROM, CD-R, CD-RW, WMA CD, MP3 CD, JPEG Photo CD, Ability to stream media from portable music devices, digital cameras and Windows XP-based PCs, Ability to rip music to the Xbox 360 hard drive, Custom playlists in every game, Built-in Media Center Extender for Windows XP Media Center Edition 2005, Interactive, full-screen 3-D visualizers
- High-Definition Game Support: All games supported at 16:9, 720p, and 1080i, anti-aliasing – Standard-definition and high-definition video output supported
- Audio: Multi-channel surround sound output – Supports 48KHz 16-bit audio – 320 independent decompression channels – 32-bit audio processing – Over 256 audio channels
In the box:
- Xbox 360 with 20GB Hard Drive
- >Wireless Controller (Requires 2 AA Batteries)
- Power Adapter
- Component Cable
- Ethernet Cable