Music Monday: Sour Milk: Novelty Songs You Gotta Share

by Scott Lydon

It's Music Monday! What's the best way to prove you're someone's friend? Why, by giving them horrible music, of course! Nothing shows your respect like the words "Wow, you've GOT to hear this crap!" Today Scott's showing his love for you by slapping down five of the WORST songs he knows. After you listen, feel free to repay him in kind.

Dr. Dave - Vanna, Pick Me A Letter


In one quick motion, David Kolin crossed the voice of Cheech Marin with the smooth skill of Alex Chilton and- well, churned out this mid-80s novelty hit about Wheel Of Fortune. At least he didn't go back to do "Jeopardy Gurls," right?

The terror only continues within. See you after the jump!

Barry Tiffin - Candy Bars For Elvis


The idea that a dead celebrity increases sales is not new. Record a quick tribute to your dead pal, and you can make a few bucks with which you can better mourn. This story about a guy in the right place at the right time could easily be a thirty second Milky Way commercial. Instead, it's a four minute crap fest that just drags on and on and on. Well done, Barry! File it with all your other hits. Oh, really? Just the one? That's surprising!

Ray Stevens - The Streak


Like a wholesome redneck version of Frank Zappa, Ray Stevens turned "being that weird uncle" into a business venture. His gentle lyrics capture what the world was like back in the day, when people could sprint naked through the streets with no risk of being labeled a sex predator. Ah, a golden era.

Larry Verne - Mister Custer


Larry Verne got a record deal! Good for him. May we all be so lucky. And may we possibly not end up recording a song about an event where some cocky, racist general led his troops into a slaughter.

Michael Damian - Rock On


I'm not really a big fan of the original, either, but at least that one is a little dissonant and off the beat. THIS version, however… just ugh. UGH. So bad it doesn't even get airplay on "'80s Lunchtime" radio shows. And they play anything.

Okay, bring your worst. Your goal is to make Scott cry. But before you get started, let us remind you: some images come from the corresponding Wikipedia page and are here under fair use. See you next week.