Wacky, Corporate Hijinx!!!
My name? Neato Floor Robotic Vacuum System. But you can call me, "Mr. System, sir."
You want to know a secret? I actually started out in janitorial, if you can believe it! And what's even crazier than that, I've only been here a week! How is that even possible? I'll explain!
You see, it was my second day, and I was just doing my job - using my map to clean the office while avoiding obstacles that other robots can only detect by impact. After a few rows of cubes and whatnot, I entered a recognized doorway marked "Senior Vice President Of Global Affairs." Let me tell you: the office was a beauty - a view of the skyline, leather furniture, a minibar, the works!
That's the kind of office you take your time on and get right, you know? You don't just dive right in. You let your laser-based Room Positioning System take in a full 360-degree view of things.
So there I was, right in the middle of the office - just in awe, really - when this guy in a pristine suit walks in with a pile of papers and says to me, "What do you think of the account? Do we do it? Do we take the risk?"
Well, I didn't know how to respond to that, so I did the only thing I knew how to do: started cleaning in my unique, methodical straight-line pattern. How did the suit respond to that? He lit up and said, "I see what you're saying. We gotta keep on the straight and narrow. I agree. It's not the right economy to risk losing everything. You've got a good head on your shoulders." Then he dropped the pile of papers on the floor and said, "I want your opinion on these, end of business."
And the rest was history. I mean sure, I don't look like the other execs, but that's mostly because I don't got a good suit yet. Give it time, though. I got a tailor working on special one for my shape. It'll cost me a pretty penny, but hey, when you're pulling in six figures a week, you don't mind shelling out to look good.