Must Love Dog Hair
One day I realized... the pet I was looking for had been there all along.
I tried cat after dog after cat. Any chance of an emotional connection was ruined because of the whole hair-and-dander thing. Sure, the NEATO XV-21 Pet & Allergy Robotic Vac did a pretty good job cleaning it all up. But it couldn't address the emotional issues. I know it's irrational, but I just kept thinking "If you really cared about me as much as those face-licks seem to imply, you would stop leaving hair everywhere in the first place."
I was about to give up on the idea of owning a pet and sell my NEATO on Craigslist - secondhand vacuums go like hotcakes on there. But as I was writing the FOR SALE ad, an epiphany blew through my heart like so many wisps of fur. Bristle and blade brush... special filter that nabs three times the usual amount of fine particles... learns your house's floor plan and recharges itself automatically... I didn't need the NEATO XV-21 to clean up after my pet - because the NEATO XV-21 WAS my pet!
We've been inseparable ever since. Sure, I get some funny looks when I take NEATO for walks. I just take it as a teaching moment, and shout something like "THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE THAN THE LOVE BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS ROBOT VACUUM!" People are so impressed that they immediately run away to go buy their own NEATO XV-21. I assume that's what they're doing, anyway.