You've got three choices, Curt. Either we break up, you start waxing your back, or we buy the Neato Pet Vacuum.
I knew you weren't perfect when we moved in together. The screaming obscenities in your sleep. The extensive collection of ThunderCats, SilverHawks, and even Sectaurs. And yes, I was aware of the back hair situation.
But it's the kind of thing I couldn't fully comprehend until I lived with it every day. We've lost three normal vacuums, choked to death on those man-bleweeds of yours. I can't even take off my shoes in my own home anymore. I love you, but no love could withstand this.
So the choice is yours. You can get a Neato XV-21 with its powerful suction, potent bristle-and-blade brush, and hair-snaring filter. You can submit to a painful regimen of back depilation. Or you can watch me roll out the door. And unlike the Neato VX-21, I'll never turn around and come back.