Pyle Bluetooth Health & Fitness Scale

by wootbot

Just can't weight.

Now here's some scalable technology!

We take you to Pyle’s confidential product development meeting …

MR. CHORTS, PYLE EXECUTIVE: Alright, turds. We need new ideas and we need them fast. Consumers are looking for smart scales that help achieve real, lasting results.

MARNMY SCOTT, DIRECTOR OF SCALE DEVELOPMENT AND WATER FOUNTAIN TECHNOLOGIES: Well, we’ve managed to create a device that measures body fat, hydration levels, muscle/bone level percentages and communicates that data to mobile devices via Bluetooth. That’s a big deal.

CHORTS: UNACCEPTABLE. Our customers deserve better. They want MORE data. Waddaya got, team?

YARNA STROTTS-LOBSTER: We thought it would be helpful if we had a pub trivia feature that asked questions about global capital cities.

CHORTS: I like it. What else?

URNLINN CANKLES: My specialists suggested a “Where are they now?” option, which would alert the user, within 90 acres, of Ace of Base’s whereabouts.

CHORTS: GREEN LIGHT. Continue.

WUMBAR LAMBUTT: How about a conversion tool that tells people what they would weigh on other planets?

CHORTS: MAKE IT HAPPEN.

TAD TABDAT: Anagram assistance engine - a widget that helps the user solve difficult word puzzles.

CHORTS: Why didn’t we add that sooner?!

CUD ST. BIDDLES: Calculator?

CHORTS: Excellent.

GLANDULARRY SMITH: A nautical shipping forecast?

CHORTS: LOVE IT.

MARNMY SCOTT: Mr. Chorts, I’m wondering if we’re going overboard here …

CHORTS: WHEN I WANT YOU TO WEIGH IN, MARNMY, I’LL TELL YOU. GET OUT.

MARNMY SCOTT: Is that, perhaps, just a bit of scale humor?

CHORTS: It is! But seriously, get out.