Random Crap

by Wootbot

Are you ready? It’s that time again!

Today we whip the wootoisie into an inexplicable frenzy at the prospect of trading a few perfectly good U.S. dollars for crappy items of dubious value that are laying around our warehouse! That’s right: it’s Bag O’ Crap time.

ATTENTION! Somebody misunderstands this concept every time, so please READ THE BIG PRINT:

1. WHEN YOU ORDER THIS ITEM, YOU’LL GET ONE BAG WITH (up to) THREE CRAPS IN IT.

2. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SELECTING THE QUANTITY OF THREE WHEN YOU ORDER.

3. YOU WILL WASTE FREIGHT IF YOU ORDER FEWER THAN THREE.

Seriously, look: when you select the item quantity, that’s the number of crappy items we’ll put in your bag. Select “three.” You will only get one bag. Prepare to gloat in the forums later this week, when a surprisingly large number of your fellow Wooters (with poorer reading comprehension) start complaining about their two missing bags. We say again: YOU WILL ONLY GET ONE BAG.

As far as the bags themselves are concerned, you may remember previous Bees O’ Cee arriving in various and sundry bags ranging from the handy (BOC5’s nice nylon notebook bag with the metal latches) to the horrid (BOC2’s obsolete nylon Iomega zipper bag). BOC6 will be shipped in leftover bags from all our previous BOC specials, plus others from the very bottom of the bag barrel.

We’re going to be packing crap in just about all the bags we can find, be they sandwich baggies, paper sacks, colostomy bags or tanned kangaroo scrota. If it’s laying around the warehouse and it’ll hold some crap, we just might ship it to you.

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS:

01. Thou shalt not expect thy crap to be especially nice. If we were unloading a lot of really cool stuff, we’d call them “Bags O’ Really Cool Stuff,” but we don’t.

02. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours. Nobody said life was fair. Are you building your own barracks with your bare, broken hands in a remote Soviet Gulag? No, you’re dissatisfied with a purchase you freely chose to make even though it was plainly labeled “Crap.” Have some consarned perspective.

03. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap. Buyer’s remorse is just a click too far away! If you’re susceptible, maybe you should sit this woot out. It’s crap, after all.

04. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on our server.

05. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, if you don’t get the crap you want, want the crap you get.