There Can Be Only One
"Welcome…to the HALL OF SHAVING."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have seen true warriors enter this arena. We have seen men fight, and we have seen men die. Tonight our final two competitors will enter the battleground for one final time, but only one will leave. Tonight we shall know who is truly…THE KING OF SHAVES."
"Shave! Shave! Shave! Shave! Shave! Shave! Shave! Shave!"
"SILENCE! Jack Strop, you have taken a most unusual path to be here today. Your undercover police investigation into the world of underground shaving battles has brought you face to face with the cold truth you fought so hard to deny: your father was once King of Shaves. It's in your blood. But tonight you will face your greatest challenge: The Straight Razor-Fanged Cobra!"
"SILENCE! The Cobra has never lost a shave fight. He is truly the most formidable opponent you will ever face. Should you be victorious, Detective Strop, you will earn a Remington King of Shaves Kit filled with a Remington 5-Blade Razor and nine total replacement cartridges."
"I am ready."
"Excellent. Gentlemen, bow to your opponents. You know the rules: both of you have three days' worth of beard growth and a disposable plastic shaving razor. The first man to shave his opponent's face wins."
"What about shaving cream? And water?"
"Hahahaha, Mr. Strop you amuse me. This is the King of Shaves tournament. You shall have no such…amenities. Now…SHAVE-FIGHT!"