All Hail Our New Reptile Overlords
Without this tablet, you'll never be able to see amazing things like a rabbit and kitten napping together. D'awwww.
Today, this hour, this minute, this second, this very INSTANT there are trillions of entertainment options. How do you choose which is the best? How can you decide which videos are worthy of your full and complete attention? How? That's easy! You just choose whatever it is the Illuminati tell you to choose.
Oh, come now. You CAN'T be surprised that they really do exist. The Grand High Masters have been controlling our destiny for centuries. There's no fighting them. Even the most rebellious youth can still be suckered into lists like "Top Ten Best Summer Movies" and "Nine Hottest Philosophers Approved By The State." There's no escape any more! But here's the cool part: if we give in right now, they'll give us the coolest cat videos ever and we can all watch them on our Samsung Galaxy Tab Pro Tablets and then discuss them freely. That's right! We can say whatever we like! About the cat videos! Total, absolute, cat-video-related freedom!
And what's so wrong about that? Because were you REALLY wanting to read up on the subtle nature of tarriff law? Do you ACTUALLY want to know who's buying up all the water? When you order a pizza, does it in any way matter to you just where the sausage came from before the spices were added? Wouldn't you rather fire up the ol' Extra-Large HD Display and chow down while laughing at the puppy dog falling into the swimming pool?
The choice should be super easy. And hey, so what if they're lizard people who come from a far away star? As long as they're willing to give us taco-flavored breakfast tarts and a steady supply of vivid color, rich graphics, and a clear display, they ain't so bad. So let's go. No matter if we're pro-cat videos or anti-cat videos, let's rise as one voice and say YES! WE ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITY TO USE THIS SAMSUNG TABLET IN THE SERVICE OF CONSUMPTION and then we can debate if "White Cat Makes Angry Noise At Deer" should be ranked higher than "Kitty Dressed As Captain America Throws Blanket On Iron Man Dog".
And we can just let the Grand High Masters take care of the boring stuff. Is it a deal?