Screaming Monkey with Woot Cape

by Wootbot

We Hold This Monkey To Be Self-Evident

They say there are no monkey species native to North America. But we’re a nation of immigrants anyway, right?

So if this monkey wants to come here to fill the monkey jobs that native-born Americans aren’t equipped to do, we’re not going to complain. You certainly can’t fault his commitment to his adopted home: dude’s sporting more stars and stripes than President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

There’s one part of our way of life that our furry nationalistic friend won’t assimilate, though: speaking English. Or Spanish. Or any other verbal language. It’s not that he’s against the idea. He just lacks the ability. But in the universal language of screaming, “EEEEEYAH EEYAH EEYAH EEYAH” means “God Bless America”.


Warranty: None!


  • Slingshot-like rubber arms
  • Professed 50-foot flight range
  • Majestic cape features equally majestic Woot logo
  • Screams like the souls of the damned stretching on the racks of Hades