Sean University: It's gonna be a whole new-niversity in 2012

by Sean Adams

You know what the best thing about a year is? It only lasts a year. Then it disappears forever. That means there’s always something to look forward to.  A new year is a chance to reinvent yourself and your business, and that’s just what we’re doing here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership! As you consider re-enrolling for another semester, take a look at the changes we’ll be making in 2012:

1. All lessons will be available in text, audio, video, and laser-beam-of-knowledge-straight-to-the-brain form.

2. We’ve been talking to analysts and it looks like 2012 will be a big year for the knot industry, so we’ll be offering several intensive knot-tying workshops.

3. Can you say weekly student appreciation parties, networking mixers with industry professionals, and paid internships with top companies in your field? If you can’t, we promise to teach you how to say all of these things in 2012!

4. There will be anywhere from 30% to 85% more hovering than before (percentages vary based on your current hovering ability).

5. We will build the first online dormitory and develop the first online hot plate so that you can set off the first online fire alarm and piss off everyone taking their first online shower.

6. There will be darts! Lots and lots of darts! And they’ll all be unexpected!

7. We will continue our robot-friendly admissions practices, as many of the robots we’ve graduated are among our most successful alumni.

8. How about regional events catered by some of the finest restaurants in the country? You’ll be seeing a lot more of these in 2012: questions that imply something exciting!

9. I promise not to steal any more light bulbs out of other people’s offices just to get attention. (This one’s more of a personal thing, but I thought, maybe if I put it out there in public, it might motivate me to actually stop. 2012’s going to be the year that I kick this habit once and for all!)

10. Above all else, we will run our program in a way that mirrors the world of business. You must expect the unexpected and remember that things rarely go according to plan. That’s why it’s important for you to know that, if we don’t follow through on any or all of these promises, we’re not slacking off. We’re teaching you about life.

Anything you want to see from Sean University in 2012? Want to share your business’s New Year’s Resolution? Let us know in the comments.