Sean University: My 4 Thankful-Fors (and by 4, I mean 7)

by Sean Adams

ANNOUNCEMENT: Since lessons are posted on Thursdays, and next Thursday is Thanksgiving, there will be no class next week.

That makes today the day before the Sean Adams University of Business Management Leadership lets out for a holiday break. So trying to get you guys to pay attention to an actual lesson would be pretty useless. Usually, this would be a good time to watch one of the educational films about business that I've appeared in, but I’d rather do something else.

You see, you probably view me as an infallible business expert, a gifted imparter of knowledge, and the best darn police officer in the city of Pittsburgh. And it’s true: I am those things. Or at least 2 out of 3 of them (not telling which). But I’m also a human being with feelings and opinons, just like you, unless you’re not a human being, in which I case I’m just like what I thought you were which is what I am: a human being with feelings and opinions. So, for one class, let’s not talk about business. For one class, let’s get to know each other by talking about what we’re thankful for Thanksgiving. I’ll start:

1. I’m thankful that you’re not expected to try to make friends in public restrooms, because those friends would be your friends for all the wrong reasons.

2. I’m thankful that scientists decided to build glass eyes rather than just using olives, because it creates jobs for glass blowers and really sticks it to big, greedy olive companies.

3. I’m thankful that when you burn logs, they turn to ashes and not just a bunch more logs. That way, I can leave a fire going in the fireplace when I go to work without worrying about the logs getting out of control and hurting one of my cats.

4. I’m thankful that signs have words on them. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to tell people at parties that I’m a big reader.

5. I’m thankful that the phrase “grab a burrito” means “to go out and get a tortilla-filled-with-meat meal” and not “chase down, murder, and eat a stranger.” Because if it was the other way around, how would I tell my coworkers what I’m going to eat for lunch without them thinking I’m some sick freak?

6. I’m thankful that I was able to fix that problem with the pipes in my basement all by myself and on a tight budget! By which I mean, I’m thankful that I stopped going down into the basement. Also, I’m thankful that I rent. 

7. And finally, I’m thankful for you, the students. A lot of people say that for-profit online education is a scam. They’ll say that you won’t get any individual attention, that we think of you as just a number. But that’s not true. We view you as a series of numbers, arranged in a specific way, like a bank account number.

Now your turn! Tell me what you're thankful for in the comments. (Tip: You may get extra credit if your answer rhymes with Dawn Crew-niversity.)