Sean University: Pre-Congratulations, Graduates-To-Be!

by Sean Adams

A stuffy, traditional college will have you believe that you get your degree at the end of a program, but here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership, we take a more proactive approach. We don't just hand you a degree and release you into the world. We give you a degree before the program is over so that you can get used to having a degree before being able to use it for anything. So it is with great honor that I unveil the “Sean Adams University advanced degree of advanced completion given in advance.” Click, print, and watch your earning power soar.

I’m actually so excited about this that I’ve written a little speech. So, here it is, my pre-commencement post-convocation address:

Ladies and gentleman of the graduating class of whenever we wrap this thing up, I have arbitrarily decided that today is a great day. As you stand here in front of friends, family members, and spambots, you should feel that someday you will feel a great sense of pride.

You have started (but not yet completed [but are still getting a degree for {assuming you graduate}]) something that literally anyone with a computer and an internet connection can do. But you, you had the patience and the focus to actually maybe do part of it (I have no way of verifying).

And now you are ready to get ready to go out into the real world, unless you live in a virtual reality. So let us raise our glasses (or virtual glasses) and toast to the ladies and gentleman of the jury. Congratulations, mom and dad! Let's hear it for the happy couple - don't they look great together, folks?

I wasn’t sure how to end it so I weaved together some stuff from other speeches I’ve given. Hope you enjoy the degree. If you print it, put your name on it, and hang it up, you should twitpic a picture @wootlive. See you at next week's lesson!