Oh Sole For You-Oh
Don't think of it as a gift for Now You. Think of it as a gift for Future You. You know, the You that's gonna be in shape before summer.
Ho ho ho! HO HO HO! HO HO huff HO! Huff huff HO HO huff. Phew. Santa's gettin' closer to meeting his 2012 New Year's Resolution to lose sixty pounds! By Santa's calculations, he only has to run non-stop for the next 41 days and he's done it! Good thing the New Year is... oh, dear. The 31st is pretty close. Well, there's always 2013.
Anywho, even if Santa misses his last year's goal, he's still got time for next year! Won't Santa look nice in a bikini? HO HO HO HO! Of course, Santa's kidding. He's seen Borat, and he knows how stupid he'd look.
Instead, Santa's buying the SOLE F83 Treadmill so he doesn't have to deal with polar bears and cat-calling penguins as he works off his big ol' holiday gut. And that means Santa doesn't have to leave his cozy home, full of all the surveillance devices that Santa got special from Xe Services in order to keep track of the naughty and the nice. Which is good, because Santa can no longer just outsource to some elves due to these weird security restrictions about data storage and ... well, it's not important.
Basically, Santa wants to be thin, good-looking, warm and well-informed. The SOLE F83 Treadmill can help him be all that! Also, Santa wants to watch "The Voice" from start to finish. It's in Santa's TiVo, so no spoilers, okay? You don't want to get on Santa's watchlist.