Stand in Awe of the Majesty That is The Food Reviewer

by Randall Cleveland

We're in a golden age of culinary enthusiasm. Celebrity chefs appear on nearly every channel, people enthusiastically refer to themselves as "foodies," and food even has its own cable network. America has suddenly taken a deeper interest in what we eat beyond, "Can I hold it one hand and eat while driving?" And like any fad in America, people are jumping on to cash in. Of course for every home chef pushing healthy, locally-sourced, natural recipes, there's someone like The Food Reviewer who sees that and just laughs in their face:

 

I don't know where he got that theme song, but whoever made it was seriously underpaid. That thing is gold.

Now sure, we could take some easy pot shots at The Food Reviewer for being a chubby kid who only reviews things like Pepsi and Oreos and Pizza and Microwaveable Chicken Nuggets, but that's kind of low-hanging fruit. Plus, the comments on his YouTube videos are like a Friars' Roast every single time: people are falling all over themselves to make fun of the poor guy.

Not reviewed: vegetables.


Whoever's editing this makes bizarre jump cuts but doesn't seem to actually "cut" anything, resulting in schizophrenic jumps in the dialogue. We can't really fault someone who's probably a kid learning as they go on some editing software, though. We applaud the spirit: no fluff, no build-up, let's just jump right in to watching this kid eat some horrible processed food. Half the time he can't be bothered to comment on whether or not it's actually "good." HE DOESN'T HAVE TIME. Objective reviewing of the components of the meal? NOT IF HE FEELS LIKE PUTTING TABASCO ON SOME STUFF. His strategy seems to consist of finding something in the kitchen to eat, bringing it back to his computer, wolfing it down, and muttering through a full mouth whether or not it's good. Andrew Zimmern, eat your heart out.

Adam Richman would be rolling in the grave he should probably occupy by now.


I know, I know. He has terrible eating habits. He seems to be unaware that his room is filthy. He gets out of breath eating a pizza. But he brings an important message to us all, America: this is how the rest of the world sees us. Watch his videos. Feel the shame rise. Go outside and go for a walk.