Somewhere in Southern California
At an E3 in the not-nearly-distant-enough future…
Okay, welcome gamers and developers alike. Thanks so much for joining our presentation. We hope the 15-minute musical intro got you appropriately pumped up. Let's hear it again for Katy Perry and Justin Bieber!
All right, let's get down to brass tacks. We as game developers are at a crossroads. How do we make games today MORE immersive? It's a question we've all struggled with, but the simple truth is the answer's been staring us in the face the whole time: peripherals. Peripherals, like this SteelSeries Wireless Headset for example. We're changing the game, folks, and this is how: By optimizing game engines to utilize headset input, we'll put you in charge like never before. For example, using the microphone to talk to your friends is as easy as simply talking into it and agreeing to a small microtransaction of 5 cents per word. It's just that easy! But hey, we're gamers too. And we know you don't want your gaming interrupted by having to complete microtransactions every five minutes. That's why all games will now automatically bill you for any and all microtransactions unless at each instance you say, specifically, "I am a proud and noble video game customer who despite the best efforts of the gaming industry wishes to remain in the dark as to the wonderful possibilities of exclusive content. Please do not charge my account, kind video game developers, I know the risks I take. No, no, no, no, no, please no."
It's just that easy!