Take Shelter Behind Grassy Knolls: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

VALLADOLID, Spain (UPI) -- A Spanish restaurateur said he began selling insect-based dishes to his customers after discovering how popular bugs were as a food source in Thailand.

Customers now look forward to seeing a roach, assuming they've just been given a free dessert compliments of the house.

 

Cockroach riding

 

NEW SOUTH WALES, Australia (UPI) -- Ex-tropical cyclone Oswald is moving south in New South Wales, Australia, with winds of as much as 87 mph exacerbating flood damage, officials said.

The storm is expected to dissipate as soon as it meets up with nearby Tropical Cyclone Ruby.

VATICAN CITY (UPI) -- Pope Benedict XIV says Catholics to go forth on social networks and spread the church's messages of faith online.

Vatican insiders hint His Holiness will be releasing updated, modern prayers for use on social networks, such as the heartwarming "R Father" and the beautiful "@Mary"

 

IMG_4601

 

CARY FITZPAINE, England, Jan. 28 (UPI) -- British firefighters said they used a winch to lift a pony to safety after it fell 8 feet down an old well.

UK Linguists experts want to assure all foreigners: this story is not actually Cockney rhyming slang for a highly pornographic encounter.

ST. ANDREWS, Scotland (UPI) -- Scientists at Scotland's St. Andrews University have invented a miniature working version of a Star Trek-style "tractor beam."

When ultimately perfected, the beam will allow anyone to launch small energy-based tractors at their chosen target.

Cockroach riding from sweet_redbird and IMG_4601 from Fr James Bradley are used under a Creative Commons License.