A terrific laptop! Or terrifying. One of those "terr" words.
Beware all ye who set their eyes upon this Toshiba Quad-Core Laptop! For, while it appears harmless, it is, in fact, HAUNTED!
Worry nay of my identity! My tale of woe is not of import here; yes, I was once this wretched computer's owner, but I have since orphaned it here at the public library, and if you're smart, you will leave it so, for this laptop holds nothing but TORMENT for the sad soul who takes it!
What horrors will it unleash? Too many to name, but I shall share a few of the most ghastly:
Its Blu-ray player and 17.3” TruBrite LED backlit display can turn something as fun and simple as watching movies into PURE TERROR, as its picture is so clear that you may believe them to be reality! Soon you will wake at intervals throughout the night in a cold sweat, shrieking, "But who did it?! Who framed Roger Rabbit?!?"
And then there's the webcam - OH, THE AWFUL WEBCAM! Sure, it allows for videoconferencing, but it is capable of acts much darker than that! Such as, you may wonder. Well, if you turn it on, look into it, and scream, "Bloody Mary" thrice, a Bloody Mary shall appear!!! But only if you're at a bar. And then, the bartender will shoot you a look of pure disgust, because it really is rude to shout.
Even still, you shan't have to delve very deep into its features to find the Toshiba's most truly gruesome secret. For what you are looking at is a refurbished unit - which is to say a unit that has SAVAGELY KILLED and then REANIMATED! Therefore, simply by laying fingers to keyboard, you are essentially STROKING THE SKIN OF THE UNDEAD!
So, please, for your own good, walk away! Explore the 640GB of hard drive space no further, for all you will find is despair!
P.s. If you ignore what I just said and do explore the hard drive, and you find some - shall we say "unsavory"? - material, know that it too should be blamed upon the demon machine! And not on me.