A Stand-Up Guy
All you wanted for Christmas was to paddle far, far away.
You asked for a paddle board. You got socks. Typical. The "you'll shoot your eye out" excuse just didn't make sense, so she went with the old standby, "Where are we gonna put a paddle board?"
You wanted to tell her where you'd like to put those socks, but somehow you didn't think that would help anything. So instead you casually explained that 1.) Stand-up paddle boarding is all the rage right now and that 2.) All the cool kids are doing it and if she really loved you she'd want you to be like the cool kids and also that 3.) This one is inflatable, which means it's DEflatable, which means it could even be rolled up to fit in that ridiculously large dollhouse you bought her this year LIKE SHE ASKED.
And you know what she said then? "How about a nice football?" Walk away. Just ... walk. Away.