TrueFire Gourmet Cedar Grilling Plank – 12 Pack

by Wootbot

For a Taste of The Good Life

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No wood says “I’ve arrived” like cedar does, man.

I mean, sure, your mahoganies and your cherries are nice. But those woods are for, like, the Louis XVI fauteuils that’ve been in your family for generations. They’re old-money woods. They’re not how you say you finally made it; they’re how you say your great-great grandfather made it, and you’ve been reaping the benefits since.

No, for the bourgeois striver looking for a shoe tree to maintain the shape of his sensible wingtips; for the young couple wondering what to fill their yellow lab’s bed with; for the family who just traded up to a larger home and needs to remodel the closets with something moth-resistant; for anyone who’s ever gotten it into his head to spread mulch around some marigolds—cedar is where it’s at.

Plus, you know that the cedar groves of Lebanon are where the gods live, according to the Epic of Gilgamesh? Totally true.

(Totally true, that is, that it says so in Gilgamesh. Not that any gods actually live there.)

Anyway, so now guess what else about cedar? You can freaking COOK on the stuff. I KNOW, RIGHT? This is what you’ve always dreamed of. This is cedar living.

Imagine the almost paralyzingly intense envy your neighbors will experience when they see you grilling chicken or veggies or whatever it is you grill on a six-ounce plank of 100 percent natural untreated Western Red Cedar. It will blow their minds. Their skulls will probably rupture.

“Come on over and enjoy some wild-caught salmon!” you’ll say. “It’s plank-grilled for moistness and infused with a delicious, smokey cedar flavor! Plus it’s seasoned with an all-natural blend of Mediterranean spices! Because these things are important to me as a Woot shopper!”

But all they’ll hear is “I’M GRILLING ON CEDAR. I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU.”

They’ll decline the invitation, claiming they’ve already got casserole in the oven. Ha! CASSEROLE. How perfectly provincial! Their loss.

Oh, and then your clean-up is super-easy too, since the plank keeps all the grease and crud off your actual grilltop. So you’ll be laughing over old-fashioneds and a game of Scattergories on the patio while they’re still washing dishes next door.

They might be at it all night. Nothing’s harder to clean than baked-on casserole crust. You have to soak that.

 

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