Wake-Up Lights! (Your Choice)

by wootbot

Consciousness is stupid

Being awake stinks. The slumbery dream world? Awesome. You're on a bobsled with Dick Van Dyke, and the bobsled is made of chocolate, and all the snow is actually microscopic puppies, and then OH HEY BUCKAROO! TIME TO BE AWAKE.

What do you have to look forward to now? Taco Tuesday? Please.

Know the facts.

Did you know the polar vortex was probably caused by sleep deprivation? You didn't know that because it's a lie.

But Chernobyl was, according to a potentially legit website we just looked at. Ostensibly, Three Mile Island can also be attributed to fatigue, according once again to a, uh ... website.

Did you know sleep deprivation is linked to numerous diseases, including stomach disorders like Alien Gut Syndrome? Sleep when you're dead? IT'LL HAPPEN THAT MUCH QUICKER, PAL.

Did you know your brain's memory function relies on sleep? Bet you DID know that, but you forgot because you eschewed the most basic and vital thing a human does, next to eating and pooping and mating and breathing (in descending order of importance).

Fine, though. If you'd rather be awake, that's your problem. Facilitate your own nuclear disaster. Turn your guts into alien guts. Cause another polar vortex. Enjoy the morning.