It's a fascinating Website, this repository of random patent office artifacts. Who would ever have suspected that every single one of them would work? Woot.com's arrangement with www.patentoffice.gov that they will sell one item each day from the junkyard is no doubt lucrative for them, but it is troubling that we have no idea what any of these items do. The Brazilian drug dealer who purchased last Monday's item, for example, had no idea that it was a parallel universe mixer. If he had, he might not have turned the danged thing on, and cause the unfortunate blip that resulted in our having two camping themed contests within a matter of weeks. No matter, now that we've gotten it back, I'll just push this button with the back arrow on it and see if we can reset the univer-
Show us a past or current woot as a kid attending a summer camp.
First Place - $100
olpmcg - Monkey space camp
What happens when you hurl into your helmet? And thank you, olpmcg, for the "before" shot and for omitting the "after" shot.
Second Place - $50
mwiseman - Camp Gonna Roast a Piggie
Each of you new campers will receive a message from the great piggie in the fire! When you understand the message, come over and whisper it to your counselor. All together, now repeat after me: "Owah Tawoo Teye-am! Owah Tawoo Tiam! Owatawootiam! Oh what a woot I am! Oh what a woot I am!"
Third Place - $20
stunnard - swimmers
C'mon, where's Jar Jar?
intaglio - little tadpole's got to swim
Oh my! Where are the rest of the campers? Where's the camp?
toby8915 - charging around the campfire
a scout phone is trustworthy, loyal, charged, unlocked, brave...
fyrefall - Boot Camp
I dunno but I been told, refurbs are meant to be sold. Sound card, one, two, sound card, three, four, bring it on down, one, two, three, four, one, two...restore!
momshopping - Jump Jump
"c'mon! Candyball! Do a Candyball!"
wildwolf11 - scary Elvis
"...so they used the hand crank to recharge!"
apalmer3 - vornados
Let's play Twister!
Money winners, please email your Paypal info to email@example.com. Monkey Prize winner, please email your shipping address to firstname.lastname@example.org. Oh, my aching head. Geeze, that Jason is one mean drunk. He must have pummeled me with 20 of these ball-bearing filled screaming monkey heads. How else to explain the room full of the things, and all these bruises. I look like a giant raccoon now. Ugh. To increase your minuscule chances of actually receiving your monkey prize, send Jason a second email, chastising him for these constant drunken rages against the machine. Honorable Mentioneers may use coupon code HONMEN-FS for free shipping on a future order. Until next time remember: you can't replace a tooth you've accidentally knocked loose by yourself. Go see a dentist. right away. seriously.