Woot Watches Wideos: Wapakman

by Randall Cleveland

Based on the trailer, this may be the most epic Filipino movie ever.

I've just watched the trailer for Wapakman, and based on that trailer I've become so excited that I wanted to share my brief and amateur synopsis of the film so that you can get as excited as you should be about this movie. There may be a bit lost in translation, but apparently there's this guy, and maybe he's a janitor or something. I don't know why the trailer spends so much time focusing on this because there are also molten lava monsters and a woman shooting wind or something from her breasts while singing. This guy may or may not don a superhero costume because honestly, the trailer doesn't show him in it very much, but the awesome shows up right about the time our protagonist starts kung fu fighting a crab. A. Giant. Crab. Do I have to say anything further at this point? Or are you willing to join me in petitioning the MPAA to bring this film to America! They don't even have to subtitle the thing. In fact, I'd almost prefer it that way so I can just kind of improvise the dialogue in my head. I've already got a spec script written:

EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER
"When do you think that giant crab is showing up?

GIANT CRAB
"Let's do this!"

GUY FIGHTING CRAB
"My only regret in life is that I've peaked so early!"

I don't know what a Wapak is, or what powers a Wapakman might have, but I'm calling looking at Travelocity right now to figure out what it's going to take to see this movie.