I See You
As God, one of my biggest responsibilities is keeping track of Earthly sin and virtue.
Sure, I've got a lot of other duties, like directing all things and anchoring the universe with my existence, but a lot of my workday is spent monitoring humans. It was just a lot of busywork until I picked up the Zmodo 4 channel surveillance system with 4 CCD night vision outdoor cameras.
I know, I know, I'm omniscient, right? Why do I need a surveillance system? Common misunderstanding: I'm not somehow innately omniscient, I just have cameras everywhere, watching, always. Steal some of your coworker's York Peppermint Patties? I see it on my Zmodo DVR, and register it under the "sin" column on your personal report. Tell a friend you "just got their text" when you had seen it several hours ago? This guy sees it. (I'm pointing to myself.)
Yeah, I used to have angels and St. Peter doing all of this grunt work for me, but between you and me, I'm not sure if those guys can be trusted. In fact, I set up a Zmodo system in the angels' break room, and…well…the things that go on in there make humans' worst characteristics look like mere foibles. So I fired them and took full control of the operation.
You can choose whether to get the Zmodo system with a 500GB hard drive, or no hard drive if you only want to do surveillance live. Me, I have a pretty good memory for these things. In fact, all events past, present and future are actually a PART of me, so it's pretty hard to forget. And you need an external monitor to view it, but luckily all those old CRT monitors from the 90s ended up here in heaven so I've got plenty to spare.
OK, I was going to explain why I let bad things happen, but Woot is cutting me off. CYA, folks!