It's become something of a tradition, our annual look back in song at the sights of CES. Yeah, it's pretty stupid. But we're stuck with it. It's like a lot of traditions that way.
Well, it's the end of a hard week of not walking around Las Vegas. No famous night life, no balmy desert weather, no waking up in bed with a buyer mumbling "let's just keep this between ourselves at the next staff meeting" and no waiting in a TSA line while trying to get back home before 9am on Monday. Such is the life of a writer.
But don't despair! Today I'm taking a good, hard, super-short, made up look of the most adorable products CES didn't have to offer. Come inside for the last day of our 2013 faux-verage, and be awwwwww-struck!
The Consumer Electronics Show brings together thousands of people from around the world, and requires them to walk around with their names clearly printed on a tag around their necks. Just watching the badges go by is a great way for a snap education on the wonderful variety of human names. Every single one of these names belongs to an actual CES attendee, as spotted by me. Just imagine how much better, how much more colorful your life would be if you woke up every morning with one of these names:
We'll keep pointing fingers and naming names in our CES 2013 coverage.
The appeal of crowdfunding for tech projects is obvious: the plucky visionary speaking straight to the masses, bringing magic to life without any interference from the venture-capital suits. In reality, of course, the record is mixed. But this year's Consumer Electronics Show proves that hasn't stopped inventors from turning to Kickstarter and other crowdfunding sites to back the projects they're passionate about.
"It's an environment where people are super-supportive of extremely strange ideas like we're doing," says Alexandra Deschamps-Sonsino, founder and inventor of Good Night Lamp, a family of Internet-connected lamps that bring a warm, sensory, high-design quality to social connectivity. "But also, they give us some amazing feedback, We've been on Kickstarter for two days now, and I've had huge amounts of feedback. It's really great."
Getting tired of all those other, realer CES covereages? That's because you're SMART. That's why you've turned to me, Scott Lydon, and my 2013 CES faux-verage. That's right, the week's almost over, but I've finally got a decent intro paragraph.
After the jump, you'll get to enjoy the very best lies and fabrications that come from the floor of CES. Just think, we're the only coverage brave enough to retract our statements before we even make them! See you inside?
Mystery can be an effective tactic in piquing the public's interest. The makers of Lapka prove that "excessive minimalism" is not a contradiction in terms. Their inscrutable booth consists of an arty video loop set to Erik Satie, some text-free postcards showing Lapka, and a few examples of the enigmatic product itself. Of course, people were lined up three deep at the counter. For every baffled showgoer who shrugged and walked away, two more elbowed forward to take his place.
So, OK, what IS Lapka?
Oh, Jason got to meet Lemmy from Motorhead? Well… we had donuts in the office today! Yeah! Take that, Jason Toon! And as for the rest of you, join me after the jump to see the latest, greatest, better-than-reality faux-verage from deep in the heart of Woot HQ. Where Lemmy WISHES he could go.
This is going to hurt the people who earn their crust peddling iPhone covers and wireless mice bedecked in skulls and flames, but it has to be said: the Consumer Electronics Show is about the least rock 'n' roll environment this side of a Methodist church. And even a Methodist church might have a bad-ass cross or a cool-sounding organ or something.
So when a potent force of corrosive rock power strides onto the show floor, you can practically see reality rippling around you. The mighty Lemmy was ostensibly here to introduce Motörheadphönes. But his real message was "Take heart, weary electronics peons! All around you is illusion! Outside these walls, rock 'n' roll still walks, breathes fire, LIVES!"
Sometimes I listen to earbuds as I fall asleep. Sometimes I would like to, but I don't because it's just too uncomfortable trying to sleep with hunks of plastic wedged into my ears. For side-sleepers like me, regular headphones are even worse. The people at SleepPhones understand my pain. They solved this problem a while ago. I wasn't alone.
Some very flat speakers in a cozy headband. That's all it took. Done. Fixed. I'm a little concerned at how inordinately happy this makes me. As with my previous love for the TV Hat, I guess I just I like my innovations the way I like my cocktails: simple, cheap, and distracting me from my problems.
What say you, my fellow rock-a-bye rockers? Do SleepPhones look comfier than your current bed-bud setup?
Advanced insomniacs are directed to take a large dose of our CES 2013 coverage.
As Jason prepares to go to IHOP with Fiona Apple or whatever, the people who ACTUALLY DO THE WORK AROUND HERE have taken some time to recap what went down at CES according to the big boys. That's right, it's my second day of faux-verage, and already I'm farming it out.
JUST DEAL, okay? And do it after the jump. See you inside.
