Completely Unfair Comparisons: Pirate-y stuff!
There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.
1. Rigatoni vs. Broad Shoulders in terms of Sailing the High Seas
Rigatoni? That’d help you fit in to Italy, but this isn’t “Rigatoni vs. Broad Shoulders in terms of Sailing to Italy,” is it? No, we’re talking about sailing the high seas. That’s why broad shoulders win hands down. Think about it: the sea is wide and expansive, your shoulders are wide and expansive, that means you two have a way to relate to each other. You can be like, “Not easy being so expansive, huh sea?” and the sea will be like, “Finally, someone who understands!” and give you safe passage.
Advantage:

Broad Shoulders