Tuesday, November 13

There Can Be Only Pun: Puck Politics

by Sean Adams 6 months ago

It seems like I face some new, frustrating dilemma almost every day. For a while, I tried to solve each one on my own, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm in over my head, and I need your help, Wooters! So, each week, I'm going to post a problem that I'm facing and you're going to help me solve it. But here's the catch: the solutions need to be puns. That's right: logic is secondary; puns are the primary goal here. I'll choose the best pun and announce it in next week's post.

THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Political Hockey Teams!

Okay, you guys - I've got a crazy idea. So, you know how the NHL is locked out? And election season just came to an end? Well, what if we started a HOCKEY LEAGUE, but instead of getting pro players, we just used all the POLITICIANS who didn't get elected? Now, here's where you come in: I need some team names. Here's three I was able to come up with:

Tuesday, November 06

From The Desk Of The Office Manager: Office, Politics

by Sam Kemmis 7 months ago

Employees,

As you may be aware, the presidential election is today. And even though the presidency was specifically created as the weakest branch of the United States government by its founders, sheep such as yourselves are mesmerized by the relative simplicity of these elections. Very well.

Thursday, November 01

Sean University: My Political Stances, Explained

by Sean Adams 7 months ago

I have an announcement to make. After a year and several months of successfully running an online university on a deal-a-day website's blog, I've decided I want to run something even bigger: the country. That's right! I - Sean Adams, founder of The Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership - am running for president!

Now, when I made this decision those many hours ago, it wasn’t so I could promise the same big changes and take stances on the same hot-button issues as all the other candidates. No, I want to focus on the small things that we, as a country, need to keep the same, and to discuss the issues that no other politician is brave enough to talk about: the non-issues. So, America, here’s what you can expect if you elect me as your president.

While I am in office, Rhode Island will not be forced to change its name. Nor will powerful explosives be used to separate it from the coast so that it can fulfill its islandy implications. My critics will call this “upholding illogical naming practices” but I think of it more as “honoring tradition.”

Wednesday, August 29

The Trivial Eye: Political Convention Keynote Speakers

by Jason Toon 9 months ago

When New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie took the stage for his keynote at the Republican National Convention Tuesday night, he joined an exclusive if somewhat random group of major-party keynote speakers. Sometimes these speeches turn politicians into stars (witness Barack Obama's 2004 Democratic address). More often, they don't (hands up, anybody who remembers a word Evan Bayh said at the '96 DNC). Here are eight of the more notable major-party keynoters of our time. Can you name them and the conventions they addressed? And for bonus points: which one is the only person to deliver a keynote at two major-party conventions?