Thursday, January 10

Sean University: Ad-ventures!

by Sean Adams 4 months ago

Does your business have an ad on TV? Probably not because it’s way too expensive. And why is that? Because everyone wants to have a TV commercial because everyone watches TV so it’s the best place to put a commercial, right? Wrong! There are plenty of other things with great untapped potential as ad boards. And we here at the Sean Adams University of Business Development Management Leadership have compiled them into a convenient list:

Clouds: you know when people point to a cloud and say it looks like a dog or a turtle or something? That just goes to show you that clouds know shapes. So why not get an airplane and shape a cloud to be a pie chart showing why your customers are way more satisfied than your competitors’?

Thursday, January 03

Sean University: Pen[ding]

by Sean Adams 5 months ago

There have been plenty poems written about coming to a fork in the road and having to decide which way to go. Some of them are pretty long too, which adds suspense because the longer the poet stands in the middle of the road there thinking “do I go left or do I go right?” the more of a chance there is that he could get hit by a car.

But don’t worry! Today’s lesson here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership isn’t about roads or poets; it’s about making important decisions. Specifically, when you’re at work and you need to decide between writing something with a pen, a pencil, or a computer keyboard. Here’s a comprehensive “cheat-sheet” about which writing implements to use in a variety of common office scenarios:

Thursday, December 27

Sean University: It's gonna be a whole new-niversity in 2013!

by Sean Adams 5 months ago

Unfortunately, we can’t have 2012 extended by a few weeks so that I can implement the stuff I talked about doing at the end of 2011. Still, that’s not going to stop me from making more promises! No way! In business, you have to let your mind move forward even if the world hasn’t caught up to it yet. So, here’s what you can expect in 2013 from the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership:

1. We’ll introduce a new line of textbooks that talk, and I don’t just mean they’ll read what’s in them out loud. No, they’ll ask questions and listen and laugh at your jokes and maybe even fall in love with you.

2. There’re going to be a lot more fireworks around here! Where? When? We’re not telling! Because suspenseful fireworks are the best kind of fireworks!

3. Since schoolwork can be stressful, we’ll be offering monthly de-stressing workshops. And don’t worry: each workshop will be exactly 8 minutes long, so you won’t get TOO far behind, as long as you get RIGHT BACK TO WORK AFTER THE WORKSHOP’S OVER.

Thursday, December 20

Sean University: Tis the Season for Reason

by Sean Adams 5 months ago

In just a few days, you’ll wake up to find that some guy has snuck into your house and put a bunch of stuff under a tree in your living room. This is called “Christmas” and it’s pretty much everyone’s favorite day of the year. But not yours. No, as a student here at the Sean Adams University for Business Management Development Leadership, you need to realize that Santa’s business model is inherently flawed. Here are the reasons why:

1. His targeted demographic is too broad: Imagine you owned a pizza place. Who would be your ideal customer? A guy who likes pizza, right? Well, if Santa ran a pizza place the way he runs Christmas, he’d try to make pizzas for people who like pizza, pizzas for people who don’t like pizza, pizzas for people who cry when they see cheese, pizzas for people who don’t believe in circles, everyone! That’s just not a practical. You gotta narrow in on the exact demographics you want or else you risk diluting your brand.

Thursday, December 13

Sean University: The Name Game

by Sean Adams 5 months ago

Ever have big plans to make a good sandwich, and then you realize that you don’t have any cold cuts? Or bread? Or mayonnaise? Or plates? Or a table? Or arms or a mouth? Or a brain to even know what a sandwich even is? It sounds like it would be terrible, but don’t worry: if you don’t have a brain, you wouldn’t really be able to process what’s going on.

But that’s not the point. The point is, I’ve run the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership a lot like the proverbial meatless, brainless, armless guy making a sandwich. By which I mean, I’ve talked a lot about how to run your business, but I haven’t given much advice on how to choose what kind of business you should go into.

Well, luckily, it’s easy! All you need to do is look your birth certificate! That’s right: you can build an entire business around your last name. Here’s how:

Thursday, December 06

Sean University: Overtime You'll Learn

by Sean Adams 6 months ago

Time is money. That’s why people sell clocks and not just give them away. But today’s lesson isn’t about buying clocks; it’s about buying the stuff that clocks tell you about, hours.

The standard workday is 8 hours long. Of course, this varies from workplace to workplace. Here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership, for example, the workday is usually around 27 hours long (but that number is a little misleading, since we use a calendar where a week consists of only two days: Muesday and Thwaterday). Still, 8 hours is how employees generally expect to work each day.

What happens, then, when the day ends but there’s more work to do? You can’t just leave it there, so you’ll have to ask your employees to stay late, which means more time, which means more money. This is called overtime pay.

Thursday, November 29

Sean University: You Know What They Day!

by Sean Adams 6 months ago

Between black Friday and cyber Monday, it’s an eventful time of year for retail. Hopefully your business was able to make some extra money. But if it wasn’t, don’t worry: there will always be other days. In fact, what about today? Or tomorrow? Or the next day?

I mean, when you think about it, Black Friday and Cyber Monday are just random days that people decided were important. What’s stopping us from making more big shopping days out of nothing? In fact, we here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership have a few ideas for days that’ll surely pull in the big-time revenue. Take a look:

Thursday, November 15

Sean University: My 4 Thankful-Fors (and by 4, I mean 7) #2

by Sean Adams 6 months ago

Classes here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership take place on Thursdays. Well, it just so happens that Thanksgiving also takes place on a Thursday. Last year, I cancelled class for Thanksgiving. This year, I was hoping we could cancel Thanksgiving for class. But, every email I send to thanks@giving.hol seems to bounce back, so I guess I’ll concede. YET AGAIN!

So, like last year, I’d like to use this absolutely pointless class before vacation to open up and share some personal stuff. (Figuratively speaking. My organs are my own. No one gets any of those.) Here is what I’m thankful for this year:

Thursday, November 08

Sean University: So Flush and So Clean

by Sean Adams 7 months ago

Flush. It’s a word that can mean many different things. If you’re talking about poker, a flush is a bunch of cards that are worth a bunch of money together. If you’re talking about someone’s complexion, “flushed” means they look pale. And if you’re talking in a Scottish accent, flush means flesh. But in your office, specifically your office’s bathroom, the only time you say flush is when you’re flushing the toilet.

Now, here’s the thing: when you’re at home, you can flush whatever you want. In the office, though, there are more people, so if you let everyone just flush away willy-nilly, you’re going to waste a lot of water. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: the sky throws out valuable water all the time and nobody complains about it. Well, unfortunately that’s just how society works, and we, the human race, must once again be the shining example, which means practicing water conservation.

Thursday, November 01

Sean University: My Political Stances, Explained

by Sean Adams 7 months ago

I have an announcement to make. After a year and several months of successfully running an online university on a deal-a-day website's blog, I've decided I want to run something even bigger: the country. That's right! I - Sean Adams, founder of The Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership - am running for president!

Now, when I made this decision those many hours ago, it wasn’t so I could promise the same big changes and take stances on the same hot-button issues as all the other candidates. No, I want to focus on the small things that we, as a country, need to keep the same, and to discuss the issues that no other politician is brave enough to talk about: the non-issues. So, America, here’s what you can expect if you elect me as your president.

While I am in office, Rhode Island will not be forced to change its name. Nor will powerful explosives be used to separate it from the coast so that it can fulfill its islandy implications. My critics will call this “upholding illogical naming practices” but I think of it more as “honoring tradition.”