Tuesday, July 17

Unfair Comparisons: On Trumpets, Fans, and the Future!

by Sean Adams

1. An Antique Claw-Footed Bathtub vs. Two Trumpets in terms of Avoiding Illness

To avoid illness, you want to keep yourself clean. But you also want to limit your exposure to other people’s germs. So while you can wash yourself off in a claw foot tub, you’re also risking your good health by lowering yourself into something that very well may be encrusted with several generations’ worth of sickness. So, instead of taking a nasty bath in a dirty old tub, drink lots and lots of fluids. How will you stay thirsty enough to keep drinking, you ask? Simple: by spitting. What’s the most productive way to spit, you ask? Simple: by playing trumpet. What’s better than playing just one trumpet, you ask? Simple: playing two trumpets.

Advantage:

Two Trumpets

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Tuesday, July 10

Completely Unfair Comparisons: We Have Returned

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Thin Layer of Wax vs. Lava in terms of Doing a Triathlon

Lava can be great for training purposes when it comes to the bike or the run – nothing inspires you to go faster like turning around and seeing a bunch of lava – but for the swim, it could prove detrimental. Think about it: lava is liquid rock, and a fear of liquids is not what you need to dive right into whatever body of water you have to doggy-paddle across. On the other hand, a thin layer of wax could be just what you need. Just coat the bottom of your foot and bam! You’re protected from the harsh surface of the road, path, or peddle without wasting valuable time ripping off a pair of shoes before you jump in the water.

Advantage:

A Thin Layer of Wax
 

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Tuesday, June 26

Completely Unfair Comparisons: On Darts, Art, and Friendship

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Headband vs. A Twin in terms of Playing Darts

Since your twin is the exact same person as you, he would probably make a pretty evenly-matched dart partner (or “dartner,” as the pros say). And having someone to play darts with may seem absolutely necessary. But it isn’t. Darts is a turn-based game, and while you may be racing to another player, your main opponent is the board itself. And let me tell you, the board is a fierce competitor. Seriously, the way it just hangs there, barely flinching as you throw sharp objects at it: why, it’s enough to make you lose your head. Or, at least, it would be if you didn’t have something wrapped around your head, reminding you at every moment that it is, in fact, there.

Advantage:

A Headband

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Tuesday, June 19

Completely Unfair Comparisons: On Chess, Eating, and Being a Fugitive

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

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Tuesday, June 12

 

Tuesday, May 22

Completely Unfair Comparisons: On Trains, Pie, and Selling Your House

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Train vs. Politics in terms of Self-Promotion

Here’s the big difference between these two things: politics go everywhere, but trains only go where there are tracks. Now, you’re probably thinking, “Oh, so politics wins then, since it allows me to reach more people,” but hold on! A train provides limited opportunities for self-promotion, it’s true, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it means you can build a far more specialized marketing scheme, whereas if you try to promote yourself everywhere there are politics, you’ll spread yourself too thin.

Advantage:

A Train

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Tuesday, May 15

Completely Unfair Comparisons: On Paper, Bees, and Inhibitions

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Blank Sheet of Loose Leaf Paper vs. Pyrotechnics in terms of What You Want in Your Mini Fridge

Pyrotechnics in a mini fridge? What a contrast, right? Something built out of heat and light inside of a cold, dark box. How poetic, don’t you think? Well, here’s the thing: poetry is expressed through words on paper, not fireworks in a fridge. You want to write about it? Fine. But don’t crowd up my mini fridge (small by definition) in the name of poetry and expect me not to complain.

Advantage:

A Blank Sheet of Loose Leaf Paper (by default)

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Tuesday, May 08

Completely Unfair Comparisons: On Parties, Omens, and Poorly-Executed Rhyme Schemes

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. The Mayflower vs. Bird Seed in terms of Throwing The Craziest Party This Town’s Ever Seen

This really depends on what town you’re talking about. If it’s Plymouth, Pennsylvania, they’ve seen what kind of party the Mayflower can bring. On the other hand, Bodega Bay, California has already experienced the party that bird seed can inspire, which is a party with a lot of birds (and really, that’s a party they probably don’t want to throw again). What I’m getting at is “throwing the craziest party this town’s ever seen” is not a simple task. It requires much research into the town in question’s history in order for you, the thrower, to determine whether or not the local citizens have, in fact, seen such a crazy party.

Advantage:

It’s a toss up

 

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Tuesday, May 01

Completely Unfair Comparisons:On Tying Shoes, Drawing, and Building Moats

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Marriage License vs. A Canoe in terms of Learning to Tie Your Shoes

A marriage license allows you to get married, an act often referred to as “tying the knot.” In this case, however, the tying is metaphorical (unless you’re getting married to a boy scout), and so provides little in the way of practice for shoe tying. With that being said, tying shoes isn't just about tying. It’s also about the surface on which you tie. The floor of a canoe is relatively difficult, as it rocks back and forth with your movement and the movement of the water, thus making it harder to get the laces where you want them to go. But that’s just the point; if you learn to tie your shoes on an unstable surface like the floor of a canoe, the far more stable surfaces available on land will be a breeze.

Advantage:

A Canoe

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Tuesday, April 24

Completely Unfair Comparisons: And We're Back

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A kite vs. An Only Vaguely Noticeable Speech Impediment in terms of Square Dancing

In order to square dance successfully, both you and your partner must be focused. This becomes nearly impossible if you have a slight speech impediment. Not only will you be self-conscious; your partner will be confused. "There's something about his voice," she'll think. "But I can't quite tell what." It'll nag at her, and she won't be able to concentrate on the steps. A kite sends a different message altogether. You bring a kite to a square dance, and you show yourself to be a conquerer of the wind. "If he's already working in the sky, he must've mastered all things done the ground," your partner will think. "I'll have to be at the top of my game to keep up."

Advantage:

 

A Kite

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