Wednesday, February 27

A Tentacle Full Of Dollars: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 3 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

TORONTO (UPI) -- Canadian space program officials say the planned launch of two lunch box-sized satellites show "you can do really exciting things in space" on a small budget.

The satellites will contain equipment to measure the brightness of stars, a small computer to relay the information back to Earth, and a note that reads "Your mother and I are so proud, have a good day at school."

Lunchboxes, stacks, Strong National Museum of Play, Rochester, New York, USA

Wednesday, February 20

Proposal To Close The Army Bases And Use The Money For Taco Bell: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 3 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- President Barack Obama is open to reversing himself and deciding to arm vetted Syrian rebel fighters, senior administration officials told The New York Times.

Any rebel fighter who can prove they own a Corvette will be given one free weapon courtesy of the President.

Wednesday, February 13

All Kids Love Banker Toys!: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 3 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

NEW YORK, Feb. 7 (UPI) -- Nickelodeon says "Peter Rabbit," its animated pre-school series based on Beatrix Potter's classic books, will debut on U.S. television Feb. 19.

Producers are excited, but the writing team secretly worries they'll have a hard time getting their jokes past Censor McGregor!

Wednesday, February 06

Look It Up, It's Literature, People: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 4 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- U.S. House Speaker John Boehner, in a brief floor speech Monday, tried to pin the pending sequester cuts on President Obama.

However, due to being spun around five times before the attempt, the Speaker only managed to pin the cuts on the statue of Daniel Webster. Everyone laughed, and then there was cake.

Wednesday, January 30

Take Shelter Behind Grassy Knolls: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 4 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

VALLADOLID, Spain (UPI) -- A Spanish restaurateur said he began selling insect-based dishes to his customers after discovering how popular bugs were as a food source in Thailand.

Customers now look forward to seeing a roach, assuming they've just been given a free dessert compliments of the house.

Wednesday, January 23

Better Than A Laser Pointer: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 4 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Digital game company Atari Inc. has filed for bankruptcy protection in New York, court papers show.

Company officials have already begun flashing as a sign they are temporarily invulnerable while they respawn.

Wednesday, January 16

Don't Forget The Dungdercats: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 4 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

UNITED NATIONS (UPI) -- People in developing countries are facing increasing health and environmental risks linked to exposure to mercury, a U.N. report says.

Even in the face of the report, however, many scientists still maintain that astrology has no effect on our lives.

Wednesday, January 09

EDM Humor At Last: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 5 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

EUGENE, Ore. (UPI) -- An Oregon state senator said he scared off a burglar by threatening him with a baseball bat.

The bat supports The San Diego Padres and whoever is playing the Yankees.

Wednesday, January 02

Whatever: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 5 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

GAYWOOD, England (UPI) -- A military bomb disposal team took care of some unfinished World War II business in eastern England after a boy found an old bomb, officials said.

But even as the VCR tape was being disposed of, some local critics continued to insist that Krull was just a victim of bad marketing.

Wednesday, December 19

Next Meeting Is At The Taco Bell: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon 5 months ago

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Apple's chief executive has hinted at something Apple fans have wanted for a long time, an Apple-made television, saying TV is an area "of great interest."

Apple TV is expected to only deal with actors who join the Apple Screen Actors Guild. No strike is ever anticipated, because they'll just work.