Wednesday, June 05

And A Mafia Guy In The Cupboard: Woot Weeds The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

LACOOCHEE, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said they do not know the origins of a kangaroo that was wandering loose for at least one night.

The only victim is said to be a stuttering black-and-white cat who has now lost the respect of his son.

 

Kangaroo

 

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Wednesday, May 29

Boy Kings Were Probably Pretty Lazy, You Know: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

SAN RAFAEL, Calif. (UPI) -- Authorities in California said rescuers used a crane to pull a horse from a well filled with 20 feet of water.

Although the horse did drink some of the water while trapped, it was only with the understanding that it wasn't being forced to do so.

 

Slurp

 

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Wednesday, May 22

You Gotta Tag That, Moff: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

HADEERA, Israel (UPI) -- A hiker was hospitalized after a sheep attacked him Saturday on the Israel National Trail, authorities said.

The police reported the incident as assault and baaattery.

 

Sheep

 

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Wednesday, May 15

Stop The Disco Inferno Before It Starts: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

TOKYO (UPI) -- Mount Fuji has become visible more often from Tokyo than half a century ago, suggesting the air around the Japanese capital has become cleaner, a survey says.

Climate scientists say the study is still preliminary, though, as the sample size was only 36.

 

 

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Wednesday, May 08

But What About Their Sense Of Humor?: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

VATICAN CITY (UPI) -- The Vatican is now home to two popes, as Pope Francis welcomed his predecessor, retired Pope Benedict XVI, to the former pope's new residence, a spokesman said.

Insiders say Pope Benedict is his normal, super-tidy self, while Pope Francis is already leaving his vestments and hat on the floor. Will these two representatives of God's word ever find a way to live together?

 

 

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Wednesday, May 01

His Neighbor Only Got A Porsche: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

JERUSALEM, April 28 (UPI) -- Israeli officials asked people to refrain from lighting bonfires on a Jewish holiday Sunday because of an unusual number of recent wildfires.

Those who encounter burning bushes are encouraged to take off their sandals, hide their face, then contact the fire department and a rabbi.

 

 

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Wednesday, April 24

Hard To Find Safe News Lately: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

HONOLULU (UPI) -- A Texas teenager on a Make-A-Wish Foundation sponsored trip to Hawaii caught a 759-pound marlin with the help of a boat crew.

Traditionally, a fish large than 750 pounds is known as a "Marlin Brando."

 

MArlin

 

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Wednesday, April 10

Is That Positive Or Negative?: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

CHICAGO (UPI) -- The Chicago Department of Transportation has declared this weekend "Potholepalooza," a three-day festival of reporting potholes.

In keeping with the city-wide theme, all bars will charge $16 for a small plastic cup of beer, and anyone leaving the city will not be allowed back in without a wristband.

 

Tasty festival beer

 

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Wednesday, April 03

As Long As They Bring Back Peri :Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

LOS ALAMOS, N.M. (UPI) -- A supercomputer that was once the fastest in the world -- and the first to break a computing speed milestone -- has been retired, U.S. researchers say.

The computer's final act will be to throw out the opening pawn for the Deep Blue vs Deep Fritz match this weekend.

 

Pawn bokeh

 

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Wednesday, March 27

Hey, Look (My Finances) Over: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Actress Tilda Swinton's performance art piece at New York's Museum of Modern Art featured the Scottish actress sleeping all day long inside a glass box.

A similar performance happens every day in the nearby coffee shop's pastry case.

 

 

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