Our Dealgebra week of back-to-school deals and diversions is wrapping up! But not before we spend a few minutes in music class. Fill your ears with a few of the most educationally enriching tracks from our Wootcast archives!
All across America today, people are honoring some of our greatest national heroes by remembering too late that the Post Office is closed. And also by listening to these three catchy ditties about everyone's favorite branch of federal government. It's the Woot Podcast's salute to the Presidents! Enjoy, if possible!
Wootcasts from the Past: Hot, Hot Meat Edition
After four years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, there are several songs in our ouvre having to do with meat and processed meat products. Wanna hear them? Don’t bother answering that, because we’re posting them either way.
Hot Meat! – This song, from April 25th of 2007, accompanied our sale of a Maverick BBQ thermometer. What a coincidence; we’re selling a Maverick thermometer on Sellout.Woot today, too! Except we heard it now claims never to have called itself “Maverick.”
A Little Chicken Limb – We included this number in our SAVAGE SOUNDS podcast compilation back in February, 2008. Here’s what we said about it then: “September 18, 2007 was Chicken Day on the Woot network, with a 2-pack of SnacDaddy wing plates on woot and our ‘Hot Wings’ tee on shirt.woot. This was the soundtrack that had us all doing the funky farmyard fowl.”
It’s Thanksgiving Day – For a second helping of our paltry poultry poetry set to music, try this song from Thanksgiving Day, 2006. It’ll put you to sleep just like Thanksgiving gobbler! But not because of tryptophan; just because it’s boring.
Saturday: Kebabs at Our Place – Back in November of 2009, we were trying to unload some Fire Wire Stainless Steel Flexible Grilling Skewers just like those for sale on Woot today. This song was supposed to help somehow. Apparently it didn’t.
RE: Lunchmeat Packaging: It’s Impossible To Reseal It – Our podcast from February 13th, 2008 inspired rave reviews! Wooters said: “What a waste of my break from studying!” “Definitely failed to entertain!” “I don’t ever listen to these things. I remember why.” Hey, we get our Google AdSense revenue for the pageview whether you post to say you loved it or post to say you hated it. But it still hurts.
Watchoo Gon’ Serve at the Tailgate? – The date was August 28th, 2008. The item on Woot was a stainless steel convection outdoor cooker. And the podcast team warmed up this toe-tapping tune intended to inspire a craving in our listeners’ bellies for “an entire turkey.” Just listening to it makes you feel like loosening your belt a couple notches, doesn’t it?
Still have more workday to kill? Click here for many, many, many more Wootcasts From the Past!
After four years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, we’ve done no fewer than nine ditties about the Great Game of ice hockey. Compiling them in one place like this kind of highlights the podcast team’s partisan streak.
The Hockey Season has Begun – We posted this tune at the beginning of the 2006 season. It’s about how we’re likely to be a little distracted while hockey’s on, but don’t worry—it only lasts from October to June. In July, August and September, we give our full attention to work and family. Note the feeble little “Let’s Go Red Wings” cheer at the end. Listening to these old recordings again, it seems we’ve thrown that into more podcasts than we remembered.
On My Video Hockey Game No One Can Beat Me – A moldy oldie from January of 2006, this song describes how sports can build character even in portly, uncoordinated nerds, and we should know. The only thing is they can’t be real-life sports. They have to be video game versions. Otherwise… well, you know. Our asthma.
Tonight, Let’s Go Red Wings – Remember game six of the 2009 Stanley Cup finals? The Red Wings were up three games to two, and could have won the Cup on the road? Yeah, whatever happened with that? Actually, don’t tell us. Hey, there’s that “Let’s Go Red Wings” chant again.
Buffalo’s Not Going to Go – Ah, the ‘06/’07 Sabres. It’s tough to be the President’s Trophy winner sometimes. We wrote them this sad song after the Senators eliminated them in five games.
One Win For Dallas – It ended up taking six games for the Red Wings to beat the Stars in the 2008 Western Conference championship series. So maybe this should have been called “Two Wins For Dallas,” in retrospect. Again with the “Let’s Go Red Wings” chant.
Remember That Time? In PlayStation Hockey? – It was September, 2006, when we heaved this song into your RSS feed like a fratboy emptying his stomach into a gin bucket. It still sounds just as good today as it did back then, which we don’t mean as a compliment.
How ‘Bout Them Wings? – When the ‘07/’08 finals were over, there was joy and celebration all across the land, or anyway that’s how we remember it. We wrote this song as a tribute to the way an athletic team can unite us all. Which is to say that when our uncle goes on one of his racist tirades, we usually try to change the subject to sports.
Happy Birthday Spectrum – On October 19th, 2007, the Philadelphia Flyers’ first home arena, the Spectrum, turned 40. They weren’t using it anymore, but it still turned 40. The same way President James Garfield will turn 179 this year.
Let’s Go Red Wings – Originally recorded in May, 2008, this is a classic to which you can sing along at any time. It yielded four pages’ worth of comments on the podcast discussion thread! Is that some kind of record?
Wootcast Hockey Collection - All of the above songs in one ZIP file.
There you have it, vintage sounds from the Woot podcast team’s dustiest ol’ backup drives! Ah, this was fun. We should do it again sometime.
After four years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, grab hold of the common thread running through these... uh, "classic" Wootcasts from tax days of yore.
Tax Attacks! - The first time ever we treated the taxation question in song was with this peppy little number from we forget exactly when.
Send In Your Taxes - It was April of 2007 when this irritating ditty first hit the internetwaves. Now here it is again, like a rash that flares up after you think you've beaten it for good.
Taxpayer's Lament - Here's one from April of 2008, shortly before tax day.
Oh, Crap, My Taxes Are Late - This one ran in 2008 after the 15th. It's the second Woot tax-themed podcast to name-check Wesley Snipes, who's apparently a podcast team favorite, having also been the subject of "Wesley Snipes, Don't Let Them Take You to Jail" (which was featured in our Savage Sounds collection, still available for download).
I Tangled with the IRS and the IRS Won - It was April 15th of 2009 when we dropped this steaming load of pungent grooves onto your hard drives. It seems like only yesterday.
Liveblogging Tax Prep - On that same 2009 date, we documented the final few hours of a tax preparation process that went down to the wire. You can still read how it went on our blog, and listen to the accompanying podcast updates too:
There you have it, genuine antique sounds from the Woot podcast vaults! You know what we like best about these Wootcast Roundup posts? The way they refute the occasional comment we get that our podcast has gone downhill. As you can hear, it's always been this dumb.
After four years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, here’s our back catalog of April Fool’s Day recordings:
The Woot podcast was already in existence by April of 2006, but the 1st was a Saturday. By the time we came back from the weekend, it was the 3rd, so our podcast didn’t acknowledge the holiday. (We did a song about a universal remote control.) If you want to hear it anyway, you’ll have to dig through the archives yourself. It’s a bizarre and unmusical recording, even by Woot podcast standards!
In 2007, April 1st fell on a Sunday. The next day, Monday the 2nd, we ran a song called “Try To Screw With Me On April 2—I’ll Poke You In The Eye With My Thumb.” This was before the podcast got its own discussion thread! But you can still listen to it on the page for the day’s sale. You have to scroll to the bottom, is all.
On April 1st of 2008, we ran a bogus Woot-Off, consisting of sale after sale (after sale after sale) of the same items all day long: A two-pack of Black & Decker backup batteries. Some of our visitors were PEEVED, seeing it as a betrayal of… I don’t know what, exactly. But they sure let us have it in our forums! Man, you’ve never seen so much baseless outrage. (Well, maybe you have, actually. You’re on the Internet, after all.) I’ll tell you what, though; we sure sold a lot of those dadgum batteries. To accompany the single-item Woot-Off, we re-did the Woot-Off theme.
A year ago, April 1st 2009, we observed “the most tedious and annoying day there is on the Internet” with a peppy little number called “April Fool’s, Ha Ha.” The melody of this ditty, now that we listen to it again, sounds like it was partially lifted from Elvis Presley’s number one hit “Don’t Be Cruel.” Doesn’t it? You be the judge.
And then there’s today’s, the podcast for April 1st, 2010. Boy, you’d think over time we’d get better at making them. You’d be so wrong.
After four years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, here are a bunch of ditties about that festive season ‘tis currently.
Christmas Eve 2008 – You can’t hear too many reminders: Christmastime is fire safety time.
Humbug sez – Remember our “Humbug” holiday wine from a couple years back? We paired it with this holiday whine.
All I Want For Xmas is a Subwoofer For My Car – We aired this piece of sonic fruitcake in the first year of our podcast’s existence. It holds up! By which we mean it sounded this dumb back then, too.
Honey, It’s Christmas Eve – Ah, Christmas Eve 2007! What a joyous occasion that was! Then again, we also had to hear this annoying tune, but you have to take the spicy with the mild, we suppose.
One Shopping Weekend ‘Til Xmas – We know lots of people who love shopping. But we hate it. Hate, hate, hate it. What we like is buying stuff.
Regret & Humiliation at the Office Party – Any similarities to actual persons, living or dead, is pretty weird. Because what would dead people be doing at an office Christmas party?
Poker in the Rear (the Gambler’s Christmas) – This is what people listen to the Woot podcast for, right? Gritty, sordid tales of heartache and loss.
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ, suckers! That’s CODE! And as your secret decoder ring will tell you, it's code for "suggest other depressing, cautionary, or angst-ridden topics for future Christmas Wootcasts in the discussion below."
After four years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, grab hold of the common thread running through these nightmarish numbers, all about monsters and mayhem and things that go bump in the night.
Halloween Candy Safety PSA – It was Halloween in 2006 when our podcast team, moved by a spirit of charity, gave the children of America this warning not to swallow razor blades.
Devil’s Night Message: Don’t Burn Down The Neighborhood – We’ll never know how many would’ve-been firebugs changed their Devil’s Night plans after hearing this musical plea on October 30th, 2007. But it was probably zero.
The Shanty of Bluetooth (Halloween Version) – We’ve recorded so many versions of “The Shanty of Bluetooth,” it’s not surprising there’s one about Halloween. Can it be long before “Bluetooth Meets Abbott & Costello?”
Night of the Living Candy Fiends – How frightened we were, that Halloween night in 2008! When the candy bowl is empty, there’s no more terrifying sound than that of tiny knuckles on the front door.
Might Have Seen Some Monsters – The people demanded a podcast for Halloween, 2007, and we weren’t going to let our failure to think of a rhyme for “Dracula” stop us from giving them one.
Theme From BIG CALEB THUNDER, WOLFMAN NINJA OF HARLEM – Not technically a Halloween podcast, having aired in April of 2009, this one reminds us that werewolfism can strike at any time of year. In the original discussion thread, a poster asked, “Did the podcast singers all wear boy’s sized speedos to get that falsetto?” The answer is that we never give away our recording studio methods.
Battle On Monster Island – Ooh, a special unreleased recording! This one never came out as a Woot podcast, but used to be an Easter egg on the touchtone phone menu for our old office. There’s nothing fun on our current menu though, so don’t call now. (Unless you think pranking Dave is fun. Which we can see how you might.)
After over three and a half years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, grab hold of the common thread running through these moldy oldies, which are all about Ferdinand Magellan’s trip ‘round the globe. Well, mostly about that.
Ferdinand Magellan the Circumnavigator (Part 1) – The first time ever we heard this tune was back on April 19th of 2006, accompanying a Magellan brand GPS. If you had told us then that we would still be rehashing this dumb song now, we would have laughed in your face. Then excused ourselves to a private room and wept.
Ferdinand Magellan the Circumnavigator (Part 2) – Always on the lookout for ways to do less work, we revisited ol’ Ferdo in July of the same year.
Listener Mailbag – On July 17th of 2006, a caller rang our voicemail line to ask for the chords to this song so he could play it in front of schoolkids. It seemed like a profoundly bad idea to us, but sometimes people have to make their own mistakes or they’ll never learn.
Ferdinand Magellan the Circumnavigator (Part 3) – April 28th of 2008: Another Magellan GPS for sale, another trip ‘round these familiar chords for the Woot Podcast Team. Having apparently exhausted our knowledge of Freddy M.’s historic voyage, we went meta in the second verse.
Ferdinand Magellan the Circumnavigator (Part 4) – A sure sign of Magellan fatigue: This June 13th, 2008 podcast is a verse shorter than the songs that preceded it. If we don’t make landfall soon, the crew will surely mutiny.
Christopher Columbus – Earlier this month, we mixed it up a little, writing some non-Magellan lyrics to honor another explorer, Christopher Columbus. This podcast aired on the day that bears Chris’s name. (No, not “Chrismas,” you dimwit. Columbus Day.)
Doesn’t listening to all these old podcasts make you wish you could buy a Magellan GPS today? Well, click over to Sellout.Woot and see what kind of luck you’re in. You’re in the good kind, that’s what kind you’re in.
(Editor's Note: true Magellaholics will want to sing along to these alternate lyrics penned for the Excalibur Space Navigator this past July. And not just because the Editor wrote them.)
After over three and a half years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, grab hold of the common thread running through these classic old-school jamz, which are all about Woot Cellars’ potent potables.
Theme for Rinfrescante – Rinfrescante was the first Woot Cellars offering ever! This number, which accompanied that sale, was recorded at the dawn of the Woot podcast era, in November of 2005. It shows off the podcast team’s facility with VERY CONVINCING accents.
Holiday Theme for Rinfrescante – About a month later, we reused the same song with new lyrics for a sale featuring Rinfrescante in a holiday gift pack. The clinking, pouring, gulping and belching sound effects were all created in our studio, using state-of-the-art tools like a bottle.
Theme for Monkey Prize – This silly bit of monkey business was only one part of the coordinated multi-media blitz that accompanied the Monkey Prize launch on December 4th, 2006. This video was the rest of it.
Theme for Humbug – In November of 2007, Woot Cellars dumped a new wine called “Humbug” all over the market. To mark the occasion (and to fulfill the responsibilities spelled out in their job description), the podcast team recorded this.
Beer & Wine! Wine & Beer! – This podcast didn’t accompany a Woot Cellars wine sale, but it sort of fit our theme anyway, so we included it. Maybe we shouldn’t have. It’s hard for us to say for sure because we’re soooo drunk right now.
This is Where You Face Boss Monster - All that brings us to today’s podcast, which heralds the release of a new Woot Cellars wine, Boss Monster! Boss Monster is available now! Supplies are limited! Secure servers are standing by! Sorry, no C.O.D.s!