Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
PHOENIX (UPI) -- The Arizona Senate, under pressure from business groups, has rejected a package of five bills aimed at curbing illegal immigration.
The event is noteworthy as the first time U.S. Senators have ever rejected a package full of bills.
SABADELL, Spain (UPI) -- European researchers say they've unearthed the fossil skeleton of a giant rabbit on the Spanish Mediterranean island of Minorca, a popular tourist destination.
Archeologists are using this find to postulate the existence of an ancient, vengeful Meryl Streep. Other archeologists postulate that our joke is two decades out of date.
SAN MATEO, Calif. (UPI) -- A California preschool teacher who claims she was injured rescuing students from a suddenly deflating bouncy house is suing the owner of the blow-up castle.
Representatives for the inflatable king said he and his knights were currently searching for the Helium Grail, and so offered no comment on the suit.
BERLIN (UPI) -- Germany's superstar polar bear, Knut, was found dead in the water in his enclosure at the Berlin Zoo Saturday, the bear keeper said.
A spokesperson for Veidt Industries said that rumors alleging the bear recently saw something in the Arctic Circle simply aren't true.
MCLEAN, Va. (UPI) -- Thousands of private pilots are bringing tablet computers like the iPad into their cockpits, and several U.S. airlines are poised to follow suit, officials say.
Of course, if one stays on somewhere else in the plane, it's very very dangerous.
PURCHASE, N.Y. (UPI) -- PepsiCo says it has developed a plastic bottle made completely of plant materials like switch grass, pine bark and corn husks instead of petroleum.
SEATTLE (UPI) -- Officials with the Seattle Mariners said fans attending this season's games may receive small bags of compost as free giveaways.
Naturally, we'll be speaking with an attorney.