On the eighth day of Crapmas, Woot.com sent to me:
2 Baffling Halloween Objects
I have absolutely no idea what their purposes are, but they have that reliable plastic, "carnival prize" sturdiness. I'd try them out, but using something so spooky during the off-season seems illegal.
1 Duffel Bag Missing Its Zipper
I suppose I could still use it as a bucket or something.
1 Broken Duffel Bag Zipper
Convenient! The bottom bit has snapped, but maybe it can be fixed. Or maybe I could just hang the zipper on the wall.
12 Bikini-Clad Ladies
More accurately, a 2012 calendar for Sports Illustrated. I'm not much of a sports man, so I'm not quite sure what sport they're meant to be playing. Looks like they're just lounging around, if I'm honest. This is exactly why children are fat now.
1 "Five in One" Emergency Whistle
Made from the same comforting plastic-y material, this thing will surely help in the wild outback of New York! It's got a compass, matchless match container, small bit of flint on the side that's described as a fire starter, but I feel fairly confident nobody's ever successfully used it. Oh, and a "signal mirror", which is basically a reflective surface on the cap to the match container. I think they gave up after the flint.
6 Round Magnets
The back says it's good for school, home, and the office. I suppose it ought to be handy in case you need to murder a robot, but they seem friendly enough.
2 iPhone 5 Cases
Awesome! I don't have an iPhone 5, but now I can just talk into these, and nobody'll be the wiser.
1 Kodak Camera Bag
On a similar note, now I can fumble around with this, pretending I have a better camera to take photos with!
1 Woot! Shirt
I may not have gotten the elk skin gloves, but this ought to protect my body from the elements! I'm already better equipped than those lazy calendar jerks.
3 Bags of Air
More handy survival gear! Besides the usual Texas brand, I found a little stash hidden in the camera bag. I don't know if New York has air.
1 Anti-Zombie Ration Kit
I'm not really into Zombies, so it's nice to have something to fall back on in case of an apocalypse. So what's the recommended course during an outbreak?
So I guess the message here is to sit back and die.
And a Box That Says Timex
I don't think I can trust myself to have a watch. I'd break the dang thing immediately. It'd be too much pressure to oh my goodness it's tagged at $47.95