killingtime wrote:It is weird to be alone on the holidays. I had a pretty good Thanksgiving. I went out to dinner with my parents so it was a small party, but the food was amazing! The feeling I had after eating was as close to love as I have felt in a while...a complete buzz without a drop of alcohol.
All fond memories have to begin somewhere. You are now building new, fond memories.
killingtime wrote:I am part of a separated, divorced and widowed group that meets on Monday nights. They have activities to keep people busy. I participated in game night which featured "Pictionary." It has been good in a way, but I am the youngest one there.
Just as some of the more mature members of your support group bring a valuable perspective, so do the younger members. They are enriched by your attendance as much as you are by theirs. Maybe more.
killingtime wrote:The average age group is probably 50-60. I actually had a 70+ year old guy give me his phone number last week. No lie. I am not sure whether to be flattered or depressed.
You should be flattered. You have proven to him at least that you are an interesting person. All you need to do is convince yourself.
killingtime wrote:Tonight was our first snowfall. I always loved the sight of fresh snow and being inside with my husband. I wonder if I will be able to appreciate its purity and beauty still?
You loved the sight of fresh snowfall. He happened to be there. Did you not also enjoy similar things before you two met? He does not define how you feel. He just shared a few of those things. You are still you.
killingtime wrote:I still cry at love songs
Those that wrote those songs had people like you (and others of us) in mind. Feeling the words and longing for what they're painting is not a defect. It's an indicator that you're alive, and human, and a feeling being. Embrace that!
killingtime wrote:It is very hard to keep focused on the now and the future. I don't want to be alone.
It will become clearer as you heal and grow. Honest.
killingtime wrote:I have a few solaces...my immediate family (keep those good thoughts for my Dad going as he will go through a heart operation soon), my three cats (particularly when I wake up and all three are sleeping on the bed with me) & my work (I am fortunate to be in an environment with a supportive boss that values my talent.)
Taking stock of your plusses is important. It is healthy to pause and give thanks for your blessings as well as bemoan your losses. Balance in all things.
killingtime wrote:If anyone has any suggestions on how to best cut myself from the past 9 -10 years of my life in order to proceed with a new life, it would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut...particularly as this lonely holiday time approaches...
Through the last 9-10 years, you experienced things, went places, tasted food, heard sounds, etc. Some of those times he was also seeing or hearing those things too. Taking him out of the equation does not erase your experiences however. You can choose to alter your viewpoint when you dream of some of those events to make them about you (singular) rather than you and he.
The best way to make it all about you however is to concentrate on the present and plan for the future. Dream of the past if you'd like, but don't dwell there.